Does Autism Define You?

Does it define you? Your Autism…does it shape your entire life every step of the way? Being social…is that a struggle, having a job? Trying something new…is that a struggle…sensory overload or is it all a breeze?

A life where you are told what someone with Autism can and more than likely, cannot do! The number of times people become amazed when they discover I have friends is getting beyond ridiculous now! I have gone from having 0 friends in my teen years to have a good number of friends in adulthood so it’s not like I have always had friends, the stereotypical mould once fitted my life perfectly once!

Knowing about Autism for about 14 years, it’s been a struggle to get over certain urges to avoid social interaction…doing activities in more than one way and not stressing over everything! Comfort zones exist for a reason because they make us feel safe! Who doesn’t want to feel safe and happy? Yet at the same time, when it comes to seeing friends, you don’t want to miss out but what if it’s too much for you sometimes? It happens…seeing friends every day is a huge challenge for me as somedays…I just can’t be bothered so I’ll make up my excuses and stay home! It’s nothing personal but if my mind convinces me that if I go out, I’ll have a meltdown…I chose to stay home because it’s safer for me on that given day!

First off, socializing is very tiring for me and this is obviously because it involves not always doing the things that you like to do…that and you often go into places full of people and that can be very scary for me! University was quite tough in a sense because of that, yet I survived and didn’t have my confidence get shot along the way because I was happy that I at least tried to make new friends but I always had friends back home and my girlfriend who came to visit me often!

Being happy with the friends in my life, I have become grateful for what I have and happy that I do not fit that bloody mould that others have set for people with Autism…that we just don’t have friends! I have even been accused of faking Autism…because I have friends! Some people really think that someone with Autism can’t have friends…because they are known to struggle socially!

Eye contact, not a huge fan of it, intimidating really! it’s alright but not for long…many people get confused as to why I can’t look at them for long and think it’s rude to look away…I do try! Things can be awkward when it’s questioned because not everyone believes me when I try to explain why I find it hard…apparently, you can’t have fears or struggles without receiving a million questions about it!

Not always thinking before I say or do something…that one pops its ugly head upon rare occasions…the amount of time someone has called me cold because of what I’ve said during an arguement…well forgive me for using what I know will hurt you! When you’re angry, you sometimes can’t help but want to upset the other person…thinking it’ll cheer you up but most of the time, it won’t do…it just makes things worse…something I often find out once I’ve calmed down!

Double checking everything is a thing I always do a lot as well! When going out, I’ll double check I have everything, that I have enough time to get there in time…whether I’ll be talkative or not…even whether I’ll go or make an excuse for not going…I once went to Japan for 2 weeks but ran back home before we got a train to the airport because I thought I’d left a music box on in the living room! I convinced myself that it’d be bad to leave it alone for a fortnight…it was off!

Routines are something quite common in my life, I need to do things in a certain way or I just don’t want to do it! the number of times that I have attempted to do an activity differently but every time I feel irritated or uncomfortable and can’t continue and it’s hard for me to ever understand why this is but I don’t argue with it because doing the same thing never gets old for me…pepperoni pizza never gets old for me, I don’t need to add more meat on there!

However, I can do things in a different order…like have breakfast before getting changed for the day…most of the time I have my breakfast after getting changed but some mornings I switch it up, not on purpose but it doesn’t ruin the rest of my day, although I have heard that some people have to do everything in the same order every day…not sure that I could because I’d be too stressed to do it all in the same order every day and if I made an error, I’d go crazy! A sensory overload and I’d begin to over think it all, becoming somewhat obsessive!

I have a job and I quite often need to do different activities so I can’t always do things in the same order! Things can get tough a little when I do things differently simply because I become uncomfortable, however…development over time has helped me realise that it isn’t the end of the world when this happens, new things can be a wonderful experience and it’s amazing how I can question why I never tried some new things a long time ago!

Does Autism define me? No…it’s stressful sure but many other things are as well, my autism is just a little extra on the side that pops up from time to time to remind me it’s there! Once it did defy my life because that’s all that mattered in my day-to-day life but nowadays, it’s an afterthought…when you forget you even have Autism, it has to be! Everything listed above is annoying but not life changing…some days I’m just tired, that’s not always down to my Autism though…the only thing I associate to what I have today is my sense of worrying too much when I really don’t need to anymore!

Autism In The Workplace

Today I talk about Autism and work, now from what I hear and read about this topic is that the two do not click very well or in other words, many people with Autism struggle to get a job, let alone hold one down. I have had a few jobs from being a teenager and have had many different experiences through them all, some good and a few bad and I left a job because I got all too much for me to handle but that was for more than just handling angry customers.

What is it that holds so many people back from getting a paid job when they have Autism? The fear of dealing with people? A lack of understanding from an employer? Maybe it’s both in a way, I mean school was a struggle enough, why would going out into a working place be any different when you won’t know who you are working with? Every article I read, it says that a low per cent of adults with Autism will be able to work a full time job or even live by themselves, especially those with high functioning Autism and it can be a little frustrating to read stuff like this because it isn’t a confidence booster so many years ago, I fell of the wagon and didn’t think like that…I didn’t read the articles stating that everyone with Autism was the same, I didn’t even think about Autism and I got on with my life.

When I moved in with my wife in 2014, I needed to find a job so I took the first job that responded to me and that was a fast food restaurant on the edge of town, it was money and that’s all I was bothered about…at the time. At first, everything was fine and dandy but some of the rules the place had were very stressful and you had to be up and running all day long, you couldn’t slow down for a second and it was very bad for my health, I resorted to Kalm tablets to not lose control and snap because it was slowly bringing me down over time. An example was that you had to not be a pound down in your till or it’s a mark against you and if you got so many, they got rid of you but what they don’t tell you is that while your working and serving customers, another worker might take something from your till…to teach you a lesson! It’s busy as heck and when your focusing on 3 to 5 customers at a time, that’s what they are bothered about! A few of my tills were down and that added to my stress and not to mention the customers who would make you feel small and how they’d brag that they were successful etc You see that a lot in most jobs to be fair though! 

I left that place after a month because I just wasn’t myself anymore, I wasn’t happy at all and people noticed my change in attitude, I just didn’t want to do anything whatsoever so for my health and happiness, I chose to leave and work a little bit closer to home. Working with the public has it’s up and downs but it’s fine most of the time yet you will get the occasional person who tries to ruin your day, mostly because they are already in a bad mood.

I have worked in a cafe before as well and that was on and off as you would occasionally get the angry customer who complained over the slightest detail, I even had one moan because I was Autistic…that was the last time I told someone I thought was friendly that I had it and they moaned because one of their neighbours has it and is always loud and throws things so they assumed I was the same and demanded someone else to serve them…it was humiliating, I’ll admit but I got over it in time but an experience like that can crush confidence because of the lack of understanding with some people can hamper a day and make you want to go home and quit.

Nowadays, I do just fine with a job and mine includes dealing with the general public on a daily basis! That sounds like it would be really tough for someone like me to have to talk to people all day long but to be honest, it’s fine most of the time! In a way, I just stopped letting people get to me and ruin my day, what’s the point of letting one or two people get to you if they think they are above you? I just shrug it off but I used to struggle to get over a comment made by someone, I won’t see them again anyway so why let it get you down? I mean I was once complained about for saying the following to a customer

”I don’t think Donald Trump should be president” – 2016

Now I live in England people! Yet someone got offended by my opinion on anothe countries presidential election…because you can’t have an opinion in this day and age because someone will be offended by it to the point that they have to say something…what a sad world we live in! I don’t remember this in the 90’s, just makes me realise why I’d hate to be labelled a ‘Millennial’ because everyone just moans about them…I can see why! I mean I heard that Britain wanted ‘Pregnant Woman’ to be changed to ‘Pregnant People’ because it is offensive to Transgender people, don’t believe me, look at the blue link by the Guardian the point being is that people get offended by the strangest of things and at work, you tread on egg shells as what to talk about!

Jobs are hard and having to deal with people has ups and downs but it’s not something that I dread anymore…I’m used to it because you will get bad customers but you will also get so many more good customers who brighten your day and make you smile, I mean I’ve had many customers come to me because of my smile or because I make their day and that makes me happy so it’s worth it, I have my regulars and some have even bought me a bottle of champagne before my wedding!

Sounds silly but I just stopped thinking about Autism when I’m in work, I know I’m capable and I don’t need a label to hold me back because it only holds me back via how others react to it, not me personally so I don’t think about it at all and yes I have moments where I come close to a meltdown and I over think everything to the point I’m told not to worry but that’s life, I earn all my victories by myself…in other words, I peeled my label off.

Jobs are hard and can be challenging but if you don’t believe the hype that people with Autism can’t handle very much and you just do your best, then no one can ask any more from you, don’t do anything that you will find damaging for your health, try something that will make you feel comfortable and an environment that will make you happy…preferably one that is good for dealing with people with disabilities but it’s not impossible for someone with Autism to get a job, far from it…don’t let what you have hamper or stop any dreams that you have, after all…it’s all down to you at the end of the day if you let it get to you or not…no one else is responsible for that so don’t let it stop you, let it encourage you and push you forward in this world, let it make you happy!

The Experiences Of Mrs Stump

Mrs Stump works in a local supermarket because he needs money to live….Mrs Stump however has a habit where he will say something controversial at the most inappropriate of moments

Let’s say it’s a Monday morning and it’s rather busy as the store only has five open tills and the queues are long. Mrs Stump is trying his best to put on a smile and be positive but at every turn, events seem to get in the way and test this. Here are some of his lovely customers who I am sure will all be kind, patient and understanding!

Let us begin with two customers who arrive at the same time, Mr Stump assumes that they are together, Mrs Stump should ask though but her mind goes off with an important topic.

Mrs Stump: I’m just saying…Brexit is a stupid idea…I voted remain and would do so again…to not isolate ourselves from our European cousins is horrendous and could make or break the next couple of generations….what right do we have to make that decision for them, do we leave them a mess to clean up or a proper united continent that is stable and safe for us all.

Customer 1: Could you serve me please?

(Mrs Stump begins to scan items)

Mrs Stump: Do you have your points card

(The second customer hands over a points card, Mr Stump scans it assuming they are together, the first customer sees this)

Mrs Stump: Are you two together?

Customer 1: No…I couldn’t afford mine and her shopping

(Mrs Stump finishes scanning the items and rounds up the total, the first customer hands over a points card) 

Mrs Stump: Then why did she hand over her card to me when I was serving you?

Customer 1: Do you know what your doing?

Mrs Stump: Do you?

Customer 1: Excuse me?

Mrs Stump: Well you clearly watched her hand me a points card and said nothing about it, now your biting my head off because I can’t scan yours….what did you expect would happen?

(The purchase is complete but Mrs Stump is unable to take off the other customer’s points card)

Mrs Stump: Have a good day sir!

(Customer 1 leaves. Customer 2 hands over points card like nothing had happened, a bit grumpy)

Mrs Stump: What just happened?

***

Later in the day, Mrs Stump begins to think that her day can get better when a customer on her phone comes onto her till. She immediately begins to roll her eyes at how this could turn out.

Customer: Hello

Mrs Stump: Good Afternoon, would you like any bags?

(Customer says nothing)

Mrs Stump scans the small shop and rounds up the total.

Mrs Stump: And that will be 42 quid please, would you like any bags?

Customer: Cash card please

Mrs Stump: Excuse me?

Customer: Cash card…please

Mrs Stump: Would you like to purchase a cash card?

Customer: CASH CARD! CASH CARD! CASH CARD!

(Customer points to debit card)

Mrs Stump: Ok, calm down…why didn’t you say so.

Customer rolls eyes, pays and leaves. Mrs Stump mimics her face as she leaves.

Mrs Stump: Seriously, what is today?

Mrs Stump was a little agitated by the day she was having, she had apparently been receiving all the grumpy customers that had nothing better to do than make life hard for someone trying to earn a living. The thought of her naughty customers made her roll her eyes that it really did not take much to agitate some people.

Mrs Stump: It’s like some people come into a supermarket with a superiority complex, just to make people who work here miserable or something, like they have nothing better to do and this makes them feel good or something, kind of pathetic really!

After lunch, Mrs Stump felt more confident and was ready to put the start behind her and finish off strong! She had many nice customers throughout the day but this was to be short lived as a rather large angry looking man came onto her till.

Mrs Stump: Hel-

Customer: God, don’t you know how to greet a customer?

Mrs Stump was taken aback by this, she hadn’t even said a whole word and was already been shouted at, this was a new record.

Mrs Stump:…Hello sir

Customer: Hurry up, my time’s more important than yours.

Mrs Stump: (under her breath) True…McDonald’s is just down the street

Customer: Did you say something, speak up!

Mrs Stump: Do you need any help packing?

Customer: No…I can do a better job than you anyway!

Mrs Stump begins to scan items but as she is doing so, she can hear groans from the customer as he mutters under his breath .

Mrs Stump: Is everything alright sir

Customer: YOU JUST CAN’T THE PROPER HELP AROUND HERE!

Mrs Stump remains silent as she finishes scanning items and rounds up the total.

Mrs Stump: 62.80

Customer: Why is it so expensive?

Mrs Stump: Well you did buy 3 bottles of whisky and a brand new DVD

Customer: Your so useless, retard!

***

Boss: Mr Stump, you have received a complaint!

Mrs Stump: Really, what for?

Boss: We were told by a rather angry customer that you didn’t help them pack their bags, is this true?

Mrs Stump: I’ve had so many customers in the last half an hour, I might have forgotten to ask every single customer that question, I apologize!

Boss: The customer had a bad arm

Mrs Stump: Was it broken?

Boss: Yes.

Mrs Stump: Oh, I remember them, I asked her if she would like help and she never responded….not to mention that she had her husband with her so I thought he was going to help her.

Boss: Did you offer help?

Mrs Stump: Yes…I think but the husband could have done something.

Boss: That’s not for you to think

Mrs Stump: If he was behind this counter, he’d be in f****** trouble

Boss: Also, they complained that you said Donald Trump shouldn’t be the President of the United States.

Mrs Stump: Bloody hell!

You’ll get them next time Mrs Stump, you’ll get them next time!

My Take On Autism

What is my take on Autism? Well it’s a massive part of my life, even if I do occasionally forget I actually have it! Seriously, I can go a few weeks before I remember…it’s weird sometimes but that’s just how much it doesn’t alter my life as it once did. A long time ago when I didn’t fully understand it, it made life hard for me and I couldn’t always do the things that I wanted to do because of that. Many would assume that having Autism would be a sign that I won’t go far in life, I only have a certain amount of things I am capable of doing by myself and it’s embarrassing to know that people have thought this about me before. To be thought of as inferior for something that they were told that I had…when my school was told, I felt humiliated because I was taken out of most classes and shoved into a small group of troublemakers to learn Agriculture…I had no interest in it because it wasn’t what I wanted to do…no offence but I don’t want to learn how to drive a tractor when I know I’ll never be doing it as a career! What a waste of time! Something I will never forgive! Ever! It’s what motivates me to keep going and to prove everyone wrong!

Does It Affect My Day To Day Life?

Many people will assume that because I have Autism that a day will be complicated for me, that I won’t be doing anything like normal people do, like go to a job, spend time with friends or work on a project that matters a lot to me and many people in the past have been quite dumbstruck and shocked when it turns out I live a very ‘normal’ life. Never get why so many people look like their mind has been blown because someone with Autism acts just like they do. Ok so maybe not everyone with Autism will do that, some will fit the stereotype and for some, it only takes 1 to assume that all are the same!

Here are just some of the things I like to do on an average Day, I

• Have Breakfast
• Go To Work
• Do Household Chores
• Exercise
• See  Mates
• Go on Dates With My Wife
• Play Video Games
• Blog

Doesn’t sound that boring to me…I might not do all of those things every single day but I like to keep myself busy and to have a challenge all the time, keeps me going but no matter how much I tell people, they just say ‘But your Autistic…you can’t do any of that’ I just normally shut off the conversation because the person I’m talking too is too simple for me and just believes everything they read online, not worth my time.

All Those Assumptions!

What annoys me are the assumptions that I don’t live an interesting life, people just assume because of what I have and it irritates me because people make their mind up before they even get to know me and it’s a little unfair and not very observant for others to just decide that by themselves…bit lazy if you ask me! When I meet someone, I don’t decide what kind of person they are after two minutes, I spend time with them and learn from them what kind of person they are! A bit of effort goes a long way people!

What Many People Need

With my Autism, I feel like I’m a slow starter when it comes to interaction, well compared to other people I know and have known in the past, I’ll eventually come out of my shell and be ok with an individual such as  talk to them more and feel comfortable around them but it takes time for me to get to that stage and sadly, not everyone can wait that long but if they can and you get to that stage, you know that you have a  real good friend with you! Makes it worth it if someone always stands by you and understands that you won’t always be the life of the party, that you might need to cool off sometimes in social interactions and that you might not always want to go out to the pub to get drunk all the time, sometimes going to see a movie or having a games night can be just as fun.

What Do I Think About My Autism

When I was a teenager, it was the worst thing about me! What else do you want me to say? As a teen, I hated that I had Aspergers which was what I called it at the time! I hated myself and everyone else around me, I shut myself away for 5 years and made many mistakes during that time but over time, I learnt from my errors and spent time letting the pain change me, it got to a point where I didn’t want to feel the pain anymore, I was sick and tired of being told by family, doctors and others what I was unable to go for in my life so I told my doctors to back off and refused to see them anymore, I refused help in school and went on my own to college and I haven’t looked back since 2006. I wanted things to change and it took time but it happened, slowly but surely, I met people and made friends, I met my wife, I got good marks and got into University.

How did I suddenly turn it all around though? Simple really, I just stopped seeing my Autism as an obstacle…I mean it’s not like I can actually see it, it’s not chained to my leg and dragging me down…it’s all in my head and it can stay there if I want it to. I know not everyone can do that and remember that not everyone with Autism is the same so stop saying that we are you stereotypes out there who Google everything!

I look at myself in the mirror and I know that I have proved them all wrong because I worked at it every single day. I didn’t care what anyone else said, that I couldn’t do this or that, I ignored them and went on to succeed at it because I knew I was capable. I learnt once that you don’t always need a lover, parent, friend or teacher to be the one to motivate you to accomplish something and get somewhere in this world, sometimes all you need is your own self belief that you can go out into the world and make a difference, screw it if someone tells you that you can’t do something! That’s not arrogance, that’s confidence and I will always believe that anyone with Autism can achieve their dreams and prove their doubters wrong…no one will ever unconvince me of that. You might look at these words and think  that I have no idea what I’m talking about but if I have learnt something in this life it’s that if I want something, I have to go and get it myself, I can’t always wait for others to do it for me. I had enough people write me off and assume I’d never get married, have a job or go to University….done all three! By myself, I didn’t have help because I believed in myself and in the end, self confidence helped me a great deal and I know others need that special someone to help them be confident and you do what works for you, DO THAT! Always be grateful they are there to help you! Cherish your loved ones who love you through thick and thin!

I’ll finish here for now, thank you for reading, feel free to subscribe for more of my ramblings!

Autism- 10 Things To Not Say

• Can’t you get cured? 

  No! Just no! This is a line that I just can’t stand anyone who says this to me in person or online. Why would you possibly think that this is ok? Autism isn’t something that needs curing because it isn’t a disease! If you look at a child with Autism, you wouldn’t think it was disease ridden, would you? No…anyone with a bit of decency about them would want to make that child comfortable and happy, or I hope so at least but when they become an adult, things just feel different….no passion or compassion from anyone, your look upon as a nuisance because apparently for some ‘Autism’ is an excuse for gaining attention. Once or twice, I have been asked if I ever want to have my Autism cured so I  can be more social and I was just annoyed every single time. No one with Autism wants a cure because nothing needs to be cured…what we want is understanding and a bit of compassion here and there! Really wish stupidity can be cured…I mean, did you see 2016 Planet Earth….If anything needs cured….it’s that!

• Vaccines cause Autism

  Why oh why do I see this on my news feed most days, like it’s being forced down my throat, it’s annoying…really annoying so can people just stop getting so worked up and obsessed over something that isn’t proven to be a fact, it’s just speculation yet I see mass wars break out online over the topic all the time. What is the point of this argument if it won’t ever have a conclusion to satisfy everyone? I know that’s clearly wishful thinking but I think it’s clear that anyone with Autism will automatically shut this one down so NEVER say this one….seriously, don’t! It’s not worth the backlash and to be fair, even if it was ever proven….it would never be accepted and I’m not surprised either…Vaccines prevent some pretty nasty illnesses like Mumps so why would you not have a vaccination?

  God must hate you!

  I’ve had this one three times and I find it quite hurtful because I am made to feel bad for being given Autism by what I assume is God (I’m an Atheist by the way) But to be told that God must hate me so he gave me Autism, imagine being told by a stranger that! Not very nice, is it! I know that the Internet is a very dark and evil place where people say bad things everyday for no reason and all but to be told that the creator hates you so he made it hard for you to make friends can be devastating if your very touchy and insecure. For me, I brush it off but I can imagine that some people would take that comment to heart and that’s a shame if you ask me.  It’s like an intimidation factor because of the god and hell thing…Not a suggestion but why on Earth does it matter if someone doesn’t believe in God or any kind of deity? It’s a choice but to be told that one gave me Autism because of a belief, it’s uncalled for and over the line in my opinion.

• Are you Retarded?

This word is often used as a term for hatred for anyone with a disability and in my books is one of the worst words you can use to describe another human being! Just imagine being called this word because of what you have….This has ruined my day sometimes just because it sounds nasty, it can’t really be said by accident really, if this word is said, it’s on purpose and it’s meant.  Please do not use this word to insult ANYONE it’s just a bad word that I find dehumanizing and insulting!

• What Medication do you take?

Oh I see, because you think I’m ill, I need some sort of medication to help myself get better, right? I hear about many people in America being put on some kind of medication and from my understanding, it’s a personal matter. One, why would you ask someone if they were on medication for anything? I wouldn’t be shocked if I asked you that question and you got angry about it! Like the rest of the human race for stating an opinion!  Some take medication for various reasons but I personally don’t need to but even if I did, would it really make a difference to you and your life? Will you not be able to sleep at night without knowing the answer? If someone tells you that they do or don’t fair enough but if you bring the topic up, I find that it would be quite rude because why would you even need to know? I’ll just pry into your health and ask you many personal questions that you might not want everyone to know and see how you feel.

• You’re not Autistic, you have friends and are married, How? 

I don’t even want to dignify this stupid one with an answer because WHAT DOES BEING AUTISTIC HAVE TO DO WITH IT? Tell me people, how does it prevent you from living life at all? Give me an intelligent answer….you can’t? That’s because anyone with Autism can make a friend, meet someone and get married…ok maybe some won’t get to do all of that but it’s insulting to assume that everyone with Autism will not be able to do all of that…I mean not everyone who doesn’t have Autism will have friends or get married, I’m sure you can be a loner and have no mental health issues you know. It just seems that we have to label everything, you can’t just be normal and not succeed…there has to be a reason for it!

• Prove It

• Can You Have Sex?

Wouldn’t you like to know? Seriously though yes, quite easily actually….I have a wife! Why do we all assume that everyone with something is exactly the same? Many people with Autism can have sex…of course they can…last time I checked they had the genitalia required for it like everyone else but I get that some might assume that some people with Autism could easily be taken advantage of and abused in this way probably by some heartless monsters because…seriously we are cruel creatures (Humans) to other species and ourselves…weird but whatever. What on Earth makes you think that someone with Autism can’t have sex….if they have the tool, it is possible…same goes for everyone else.

• Can You have Children? 

This one has nothing to do with being Autistic! I assume that I can, I have the tools in order to make one but I have never tried to make one before….for all I know I might not be able to for some reason, I’ll know when the time comes but I assume that yes I can as can anyone with Autism because thinking that we can’t is very stupid. Why are these even sayings said by many people? Read a book or look Autism up online people, it’s 2017, what’s your excuse in this day and age for not knowing about something that your curious about?

• I had no Idea you were Autistic, you show no signs

Ok…what signs are you looking for? Ok so with some people it might be obvious but with many we have no signs on us…I’m not going to stick a label on my forehead to let you know, I really don’t want to make it obvious or I’d have to deal with all of these stupid questions from all of you…nothing like a good old stereotype! Am I acting too normal for you or something? Should I not speak to anyone and sit by myself for you to go ‘that’s more like it?’ Everyone with Autism are different in many ways. For some, it’ll be obvious and for others, you won’t have a clue and for the majority of people, this is just too confusing as apparently, we all have to act the same to make it easier for everyone else…I worry about the human race sometimes.

How Does Autism Affect you?

Basically, everyone will have a different opinion regarding their Autism, some people will see it as a hindrance to how they live life every single day whereas others won’t have it affect how they do things at all. If you ask ten different people with Autism what their life is like, chances that you’ll have ten very different answers is very high, how do I know this? I have at least met ten other people with Autism and not one of them are like me in great detail, sure we have minor details down to a ‘T’ but as for the rest, we are polar opposites.

I myself no longer have my life affected by my Autism or at least no where near to the extent that it once did when I was younger. So many mistakes made because I never thought anything through, didn’t care if I did anything bad, as long as I was happy that was all I cared about. Quite often, I find stories of how Autism prevents people from living a basic normal life and I always roll my eyes because I just wouldn’t ever let that happen, I couldn’t live a life where everyone else is always telling me that I couldn’t ‘cope’ without them because of my ‘Autism’  I will not be chained down by others who don’t even have Autism!

It was my constant thoughts and being paranoid about how people would see me and accept me for what I had that really messed me up as a youth, it was really bad and I had no idea how to handle things and I made many mistakes because of this. Over time though, I have learnt that everyone makes mistakes, whether you have a condition or not, people just see what we have and assume that’s why they made such a mistake in the first place. The smartest people make mistakes, the happiest people do every day! So why should I always feel down and shut myself away because of Autism? At the worst times It makes me feel lonely and isolated from everyone I care about but it passes and most of the time, I am fine…I live with my wife and have accomplished a lot in my life, because I can!

I’m afraid I will never completely understand why a lot of other people constantly put themselves down because of what they have! Sure, maybe they have a more severe case of Autism compared to what I have but when it comes to that, I have learnt that you can’t say anything like that without offending many people, even saying minor Autism can tick people off…having an opinion is tough but many people with Autism are doing wonderful things in the world like writing books and having pro-vital roles in society so if anyone tells you that you can’t ‘cope’ because of your Autism, tell them that many others can so why can’t you? It’s not impossible, people told me it was and I ignored them because if I did, I’d have never moved out of my family home or met my wife! I’d be isolated and alone.

 

It’s easy to roll over and accept it but it’s very hard to do something about it….but if it wasn’t hard then it wouldn’t be worth it! Autism is what you make of it! Sure you’ll have bad days but good days will come as well. Some days you’ll feel like you don’t have any friends or that you can’t follow your dreams but you can bypass that and go for it anyway, screw it if your terrified or feel scared, we have one life on this Earth and i’ll be dammed if I’m spending mine locked away in a bedroom playing games all day, feeling sorry for myself! I did that once…never again!

If everyone understood Autism, maybe everything would be easier for those who have it, going out and living a daily life would be such a task if others knew how much of a struggle it could actually be. I used to be scared of having any children because chances of them having Autism was always there but now If they have Autism, I will do everything I can to help them  because I know what it’s like, I understand how hard it can be to get through a day without being paranoid, without worrying about how others saw me all the time.

If school could have been easier if my teachers and other students knew what I had and didn’t think I was weird because I was scared of making friends or speaking to other people! I hope one day everything is a lot simpler and not a daunting task for people with Autism, I can imagine my childhood would have been a lot easier if others were more accepting and understanding of what I  really had.

Well it’s 2017, who knows maybe changes worldwide will happen this year, you can always hope but as for me, I often forget I have Autism nowadays, that’s because it rarely ever affects anything, my past experiences have seen to that, I got so tired of how things were that I broke through that barrier and did something about it. I know that if I hadn’t my life would be a lot different right now, I would be anywhere near as happy if I hadn’t. Long may everyone achieve their dreams and prove all doubters wrong!

Feeling Anti-Social Isn’t A Bad Thing

Introduction 

Warning- These are just my opinions

I write this blog as someone with Autism, I know what it feels like to feel alone sometimes and to feel down and worthless about it, like I’m the problem or something. At the age of 26, I feel like I have accomplished more than I was expected to do many others growing up and it’s a good feeling but the constant thoughts of self doubt and the times where I felt like I was going to be a constant loner my entire life. I honestly felt like no one would ever be my friend growing up because I was dealing with a lot of stuff that I didn’t understand which turned out to be my Autism in the end.

It hit home hard as I didn’t take the news well at all. I completely shut myself away from society for a few years and just became depressed, I was unmotivated in my future and just flopped at everything, even my GCSES which I had to re do in college a couple of years after I left school.

Next I would go onto to College and turn things around as I was able to make good friends who I still know and even met my now wife! Got good qualifications and was able to get into a nearby University where I got my degree. I don’t think that’s bad after being in such a hole for so long, hating myself and everyone else for how I was, something that was out of my control and to be honest would rather not have…takes a lot out of me to not over worry over the smallest of things on a daily basis, no wonder I’m often feeling sleepy but then again, I do have Gilbert’s Syndrome as well.

I did a lot of things I didn’t understand as a child that others found to be odd, like talk to myself and prefer spending time to myself because as I grew, I found myself becoming scared of interaction with other people. It felt like a pressure of some kind when I had to talk to others for a lengthy amount of time, I felt quite breathless actually, like I was going to pass out or I was worrying so much that I was going to say something bad and be alone again, I just one day decided that it wasn’t worth the risk and often spend my time by myself. Only problem with that was I got to comfortable doing that and as a result, struggled even more later on to try and make new friends and escape my bubble.

After School, College and University, I often reflect how social I was during all of it and what I could have done better. It’s not always the best thing to do but when you have the memory of an elephant, you can and maybe learn something for life down the road. Was I social? Kind of really, I mean I had friends, don’t get me wrong and I went out and socialized but perhaps not to what is considered  ‘normal’ I maybe it was a couple of times a week or two weeks and I had to try to convince myself to even want to join a society in University or talk to a class mate because 9/10 I would want to back out and remain by myself because I felt safer….lonely but safe.

So for me, I like being social and enjoy seeing friends from time to time but still like time to myself as well, I like both ways and can appreciate both positives and negatives for each and I view all of this as simply….well you can do what you want…if you like spending time with friends, keep doing so but don’t make others feel bad if they don’t want to as often as you do. If we were all a little less judgmental than maybe the world would be a little less of a terrible place because personally, I think we are very judgmental and like to comment on other people’s opinions, ideas or stories if we don’t agree and making the teller feel awful for it which makes it very unsurprising as to why many don’t want to spend time with others because we have now become a society where an opinion is pretty much a bad thing….thanks internet.

Is it bad to prefer ‘me’ time? 

Spending time with friends….it’s something that we all want to do, even if your an introvert…you do enjoy it from time to time. Some people who read this may not have even had a single friend in their life or aren’t good at keeping them, others will have many friends and are very social which is great as well.

I’ll be honest, from time to time I do enjoy having time to myself, it’s nice to be able to do something that I enjoy without the pressure of having to do something that someone else wants or you are doing something you like to do but not in the way that you would do it. I’m someone who likes to do things my way and can sometimes struggle to do things ‘other’ peoples ways all the time which was a reason why I struggled at University because of all the group activities and the constant pressures to interact with people because everyone else around you was doing it!

Last year I had Game nights with a group of my friends and apart from feeling nervous as to whether they actually like me or not, It was fun but it was also quite draining for me, I mean by night four I was wishing for them to stop! Not because I didn’t want to attend or anything but I would always feel very emotionally drained by the end of them every single time because I feel like I have to go into overtime quite a lot with keeping calm and not overthinking absolutely everything, like as I said before…convincing myself that my friends don’t like me that much, even though I have no evidence to back this up, yet it keeps happening to me all the time.

Is it ok to enjoy spending time to myself sometimes though? Do people like doing something by themselves or are we in a society where it is looked down upon if you don’t often spend time with other people? I think it is not a bad thing to be ‘anti-social’ from time to time, don’t get me wrong, I enjoy spending time with my friends and making new friends as well but, I mean it’s ok to have ‘me’ time sometimes and you don’t have to spend time with your friends all the time. I know they are there for me and if I needed anything like advice or time to kill, they would arrange something with me.

We have Facebook where you can see everyone interacting with one another daily and we live in a world where you can reach a friend or get a lover so easily with the click of a mouse, it’s easier than ever to make a friend if you really want it…compared to the 90’s yet you can still find many people who haven’t a friend in the world or even if they do, don’t often spend time with them and many see this as a problem. It’s like they think people who don’t always see mates as anti social or rude but quite often, their is more to what we can’t see.

Why?

I often ask myself why I prefer to spend time by myself, even though I have a wife and friends…why would I prefer to be by myself, even though I find myself quite fortunate to be in this situation? Sometimes I need to unwind and calm myself because life can get on top of me sometimes, everything can take a lot out of me, more than I think people realise and it requires me to just do something relaxing like go for a walk or jog, watch a good movie or play some games until I’ve rested enough.

Often if I don’t do this, I can have a ‘meltdown’ and it’s not fun because I feel very angry all the time and it takes a while to calm down afterwards and I honestly don’t see the point of getting to this point because it does nothing except make me look like a guy with anger issues.

So to finish off, We have a world where everything is judged….mostly negatively because we can all hide behind a screen and say what we actually feel…it’s called trolling…and in this day and age, people all over the world can see what you write and say online….every week videos of kids being beaten up by gangs or animals being killed by youths for fun appear on websites and it’s disturbing. As well, we can see how many friends everyone has and what they get up to all the time but you can even find Introvert pages where people express how much they enjoy being by themselves. If I was to know that this was how the world was going to be 10 years ago…I’d have panicked because nothing is really that private anymore, everything is judged and flaws are frowned upon because….well let’s face it…we suck as a species…I mean we often mock ourselves for the stupidest of reasons and have the dumbest reasons for the things we do quite often yet if we comment on them, we get mocked….makes perfect sense.

So basically you can speak your mind, just expect to offend someone for having your opinion. You can have friends but be judged because you don’t have as many as someone else on your Facebook Page and you can enjoy time by yourself but you’ll likely be mocked and called a loner for it.

Imagine the world 10 years from now….I shudder.

Autism In The Workplace

Warning- Opinions in this blog are the bloggers only and are not meant to be taken as fact so he advises that if not shared then take with a grain of salt. More to life than getting upset over a strangers opinion if you ask me. But he hopes you enjoy reading the blog regardless.  

Hello everyone, it’s your DailyPickMeUp and today I am talking about Autism in the Workplace and that includes having a job and what it can be like, the stress it can cause and that really, most people without knowing will assume that most people with Autism would struggle to even have a job when it isn’t true but it helps if employers know.

It is widely believed that anyone who is Autistic would not be able to cope in the workplace as it can require contact with people from start to finish, depending on which line of work you are in. Is this a reasonable thing to think? I can understand why people might think this because it is widely thought that anyone with Autism can’t cope socially and struggle incredibly but that varies as everyone with Autism is different really so some might actually struggle in a social environment like an office or say a supermarket whereas others might not mind it at all.

Regardless, you’ll get both…some won’t mind but others will and that is something that needs to be understood by everyone, that not everyone that is Autistic is the same which is widely assumed. I say that because every time that I hear someone talk about Autism, they never say that some or a few might struggle socially or with a job but as a whole, everyone apparently can’t cope with a job and I always wonder why just because one or two people that someone knows with Autism might struggle somewhat, that everyone else does as well, is it just easier to assume?

I have read about other people who have written about not being able to get jobs and they feel that it could be down to what they have or if they have a job, that it is a massive cause of stress for them and it’s a constant uphill struggle which I can somewhat relate to because it was once like that for me but once I grew used to it all, it didn’t really affect me anymore, so perhaps it could be a case of giving it time and settling in?

When I work, some people are aware I have Autism which is fine because it is me that lets them know, I feel comfortable in what I do and I will admit, I struggled at first but now feel fine and can do my work without worrying what people will think of me because of what I have. I did get one comment though a year or so ago when someone found out I have Autism, it went a little bit like this-

‘Why did you take a job then?’

To me, it was like they were asking why someone with Autism would take a job where they have to interact socially day in and day out with people. I wasn’t sure how to feel about that but I wasn’t really surprised that someone would say that to me because, some people just think like that so I decided to not get mad as it’s sadly expected in this day and age to assume that one equals all, if one does it…we all apparently do it. Of course, we know it’s not true and I don’t really care what anyone else thinks, I just go in and do my best every single day.

I always take a drink of water and a few sweets with me to pass the time and it helps me feel calm as well, in other words I do things that I know will keep me happy and calm because I don’t want to start over thinking things and getting stressed out because that just makes the day feel even longer and might cause me a meltdown which I do not want at all!

I do however worry about me not always talking, I can be quite quiet at times and I do worry that my colleagues will assume that I am being rude or something which isn’t true, I’m just always incredibly shy and unsure what to say and even if I do talk, it isn’t always for long and that makes me feel somewhat anxious I guess. Social cues are hard for me sometimes, like with jokes and when someone is being serious but I feel that I am miles better than I was when I started and I think I owe that to going to College and University and learning along the way.

We all are in different situations when it comes to the workplace and will have different stories, some will be out of work and others will be in work but might find it a constant struggle to stay sane because of the constant challenges and demands expected of you. It can help to not take everything so serious, like if someone gives you some advice on something, don’t take it directly personal if they are only trying to help…the amount of times I have taken something personal when I didn’t need to.

It can be hard having a job but it can also be rewarding as well, just remember what you were like before you started that job and how you are now, how much you have changed for the better, the confidence you will have surely gained and even if none of these things have happened to you….at least you were confident enough to try and give it a go, that is an accomplishment by itself….some won’t even do that. You go in and you do your best everyday because that is all you can do and that’s ok.

Asperwhat 14?! Moving Out Of Your Parents House

This was a weird one for me and it’s not for the reason that you think it may be..well it wasn’t straight away anyway but here goes! the year is 2014, me and my fiance have literally just returned from our Summer Holiday in Italy and as we get back into her Aunt’s house, we are told that her Aunt and Uncle have found a small house to live in a few minutes up the road and that we could live here. Now that sounds like it’s good news, doesn’t it? Well it was and it sort of wasn’t as well because

1. We were caught off guard, having just come back from our holiday
2. We assumed we wouldn’t be living together until 2015
3. We only had about a month until they moved out
4. We needed to get jobs quickly!

It was all so much to take in and we had to take it in quickly! I left the next morning and informed my family off this and they were happy for me, albeit surprised that it was happening so quickly and they also said that I needed to go for a job as soon as possible. This was all down to be caught off by surprise and then my Autism kicked in which just made me worry even more about the whole situation, mainly because jobs weren’t something you could just walk into and I had to take into consideration the location of where we would be living and how many places were actually hiring…soon enough, I applied for jobs, left, right and center although I wasn’t so confident, regarding my Autism and being hired…it’s easy to not believe in yourself when you think no one will give you a chance because you have something…I’ve always thought this world is very judgmental and harsh in that department!

My family said apply for everywhere…even those places that most people really wouldn’t want to work unless they were absolutely desperate, sadly…I was so I ended up to Work at McDonalds…you can read about it at the highlighted link, it was quite the experience! The point is that I had a job, even though it’s probably not what anyone wants to do once you go through University but needs must…I’m sure we’d all love to get that high paying job! and luckily as well, Emma was able to find one at a local cafe as well. With that out of the way, I guess it was really just moving my stuff over to the house and accepting that I was moving house…Emma was going nowhere…it was me that was doing all of the moving! I had left home before to go to University but that was different because I would eventually go back and live there again…this time, I was taking my life to another place and staying there…the feeling was strange and scary as well because it can be a make or break situation for a couple…I was praying for a make.

It’s funny…families can annoy you at the best of times but you soon discover just how important they really are to you the minute you don’t live with them anymore…you don’t see their faces around everyday and you really only see them once a week, if that! a new place to get used to, a new job…it’s all so much to get used to…August 2014 to September 2014 was the busiest space of time I’ve ever had to get so much done but it transformed us to becoming a proper couple and now a year has past and we are completely used to living with one another and it’s nice….this place is my home now and I can see us being here for a long time…we love each other and that’s what we really need in this world…even if I never get that high paying job…I have Emma and that’s all that really matters to me…being happy.

Hopeful Wishing

It’s been a weird few days to say the least. Sorting out the holiday for the Summer, my fiance’s twisted foot and having to do all the household chores and such, been quite busy really and haven’t even had much time to get blogging done which has annoyed me greatly, If I don’t do a blog a day, I go insane but at least I have Big Hero 6 on DVD now! Baymax, you are my hero!

I’m just a normal guy who is living his life like everyone else. I wake up, have breakfast, get dressed and on most days, I go to work so I can pay bills but I always feel like I want to do so much more because you only get 1 life and I want to be remembered by future generations but how someone gets famous enough to have their name remembered is one heck of a task! perhaps I can become a famous author and future generations will read my books or something along those lines, that’d be a nice dream! But I doubt I’d ever be the next William Shakespeare or J.K Rowling and have stories that live on forever but it’s a nice thought to think that I could make so many people smile with my stories. If I could just make one person smile with a story then I’d be a happy man indeed! practice makes perfect so I’ll keep on with my writing and who knows…maybe one day.

I need to get a nice, secluded area and make it a writing nest, somewhere that I can write all of my stories, come up with ideas and such, sounds good? I’m going to start following more people on here and see what they are writing, see if I can get inspired in someway, it’s always interesting to see what people all over the world are doing.

We all want to that much more with our lives and chances are, many people are in a position that they wished that they weren’t! it’s a fact of life that not everyone gets to live their dreams sadly, I mean I doubt anyone when they were a child said to themselves

”When I grow up, I’m going to live on Benefits all my life!”

I extremely doubt that very much or I hope anyway that no one wished that. How many people will have wished to be a fireman, policeman or a doctor and ended up working at McDonald’s or as a toilet cleaner? probably a lot of people to be honest. I’d be nice if everyone could fulfill their lifelong dreams, don’t you think?

Holiday wise, it looks like I’ll be going about Europe to these destinations

1.London
2.Brussels
3.Amsterdam
4.Berlin
5.Prague
6.Vienna
7.Innsbruck
8.Venice
9.Pisa or Florence
10.Rome
12.Milan
13.Europa Park (Germany)
14.Paris
15.London

Sounds awesome but I bet I’ll have to be on the move most of the time so if anyone has ever been inter railing, feel free to leave any tips, they would be greatly appreciated. I’ve never slept on a train before so that will be new, nor been on one for more than 10 hours, wonder how long it’ll be until I get bored…better take some games with me or something or a book at least.

That’s all for now but feel free to add me/ comment bellow or ask me any questions, I will be more than happy to have new followers.