A Little Reflection

2017 has been a rocky year for me, to say the least…full of it’s ups and downs but I will look forward to putting this one behind me and moving on to 2018. I haven’t been able to do much writing this year which is disappointing for me! Life has gotten on top of me really at times, to the point that you just wonder why life is worth continuing on with! I’m not depressed or anything in that way, I will admit that 2 deaths in my family has somewhat changed my way of life, amongst other things but I believe that things will turn around and I’ll make sure that it does by working harder and by writing more because that brings out the best in me.

2017 for the world has been a very stressful one, am I the only one who is already fed up with Brexit?! I voted remain but now would rather just get on with it, life goes on but everyday you hear about more issues relating to it and that we must look like fools on the world stage…treating the whole ordeal like a divorce, the EU wants money and to keep control….so what was the point of this whole separation if nothing will really change? Not really one for politics but I continue to live as normal, not really paying attention to the whole situation….in or out, France can still be seen from the Dover Cliffs, they will always be our neighbours and I’ll never stop wanting to visit our brothers and sisters on the continent!

However, the most common place that is always in the news is America! I’ll say it and I don’t care but America….WTF?! Your gun laws make no sense…everyone is entitled to bear arms because of the 2nd amendment?? Isn’t that the same document that has been altered and changed many times through the last hundred or so years? So tell me why the rules for gun control can’t be changed as year…I mean it literally makes no sense, over 13,000 killed by guns in 2015! Whereas in Britain….about 50-60 people! I only ever see guns after a terrorist incident forces danger levels up and the police are forced to carry them around for a while! Apart from that, I never see them and I’m glad of that…who would feel safe, knowing that most people around you might be packing a killing machine in a car, jean pocket or in your face? Every couple of weeks or so, you see on the news that a mass shooting has occurred and more innocent people die because someone got a little angry one day and decided to shoot someone over it?

What justifies so many guns? To look tough? Keep loved ones safe? I’m not saying ban guns altogether but why does it seem so easy to get one and why can so many people access them? I mean I can’t go to my nearest supermarket and buy one?! At least make the process of getting a weapon much harder and why has your president just made it legal for Mentally Ill people to get a hold of them? Things change for a reason…no offence America but you’ve been a country for about 300 so years…much younger than the rest of us and we’ve all had experiences and made changes to our laws because it makes sense! It’s hard to obtain guns over here because it would be beyond stupid to make it easy…do you know what happens when it’s not that hard to buy a machine gun which isn’t legal yet some people still get a hold of them?

Shootings, people dying for no reason! Where does common sense come in here…I mean I have Autism and in America would probably be put on some kind of medication for it but even when I’m angry or mad…I can’t just grab an automated weapon and gun someone down…I go for a walk or talk to a friend or family member and calm down! Yet a guy can obtain weapons and go to a hotel in Las Vegas and kill over 50 people! I mean this year alone, America has had over 300 shootings! Almost one a day! Let that sink in for a moment…I imagine the morning conversations in Europe and America being quite different.

Europe

Mum: Your in big trouble when you come home tonight

America

Mum: Your in big trouble…if you come home tonight

The worst bit about it all is how many Americans DEFEND their gun laws! They have a right to them and will never part with them…I mean with 2018 coming up, will anything really change….I would like to think so, that even America, the most stubborn country sometimes….will wake up and see that all these deaths caused by a lunatic wielding a gun could have been prevented…if they just make it harder, not easier to obtain a gun and not just any guns….the automatics, rifles, machine guns etc What sane person needs a machine gun? I mean I read somewhere that the more mass shootings, the more people go out and buy more guns! Got to protect yourself from that nutter Billy down the block!

People die in other ways as well, diseases…car accidents….yet cars serve the purpose of transportation…the only service a gun should serve is protection…..yet how many people actually use them just in case the house gets robbed or a life threatening situation? At least one shooting a day people!

 ”The ONLY thing that will stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.” Donald Trump

Constant jabs and insults tossed about the world, mostly between America and North Korea! Missile tests, threats of annihilation…what is the human race at the moment? It’s like we’ve all lost the plot since the millennium began! All sense went out of the window and we get that bit more crazier each time a new year comes around! Can Earth just calm down a little bit before something serious happens, something that we can’t come back from? Maybe make it so you can’t go to your local Walmart and purchase a killing machine…stricter background checks maybe…especially at gun shows where they don’t even do them apparently! A bit of common sense wouldn’t go a miss! Just make the process a bit more reasonable and not like doing a spelling test, most can do! Most of the world learned from mistakes involving guns and changed rules to make it better…why is it so hard for you to do the same?

The way we are going, it won’t be robots, aliens, religious event or other worldly thing to wipe out the human race…we’re good at making things go extinct…does that include ourselves though? Wouldn’t shock me!

Autism- Anti Social At Social Events

Welcome, today I go into always feeling anti social during social events… with my Autism, it’s automatic people! Turns itself on when I go out and see friends or when I’m at work etc It can make me feel like no one will be interested in anything I say or do…it’s true that some days are dark and lonely because of this but quite a lot, it’s all down to me because I discovered that a lot of the time, it was in fact myself that made me feel that way by casting doubt into my own mind and heart.  I’ll talk about a few moments from my past and pretty much say how I started off really bad at making friends but as I get older, I slowly begin to get better at it and why I think that is the case.

Making friends, creating memories together and going to places to meet other people, all things that we go through during our life times or in most cases at least but sometimes, that doesn’t happen for everyone, many unheard voices go through life without having ever made a single friend…sounds very unlikely when you consider the amount of people we have on this planet but it does happen! Moments in your life where you have to socialise with other people can be scary…I’ve found many moments during my life to be terrifying and most of them have been so because I didn’t do very well and would stand in a corner by myself, wishing I could just go home, wondering why I even bothered in the first place.

Despite all of my failures in being social as a child, I have had friends come and go throughout my life, up to the point that I have my lifetime friends by my side always and I know I can always have a good time with them and I feel happy around them, even having one of them as my best man and some of my other close friends as groomsmen which made me feel really happy as I never thought I would even have a friend to ask but I ended up with 4 groomsmen. I feel fortunate that I have the good friends that I have because at one point, I convinced myself that it would never happen!

It sounds like I don’t have any issues being social and truth be told, I don’t…however, it hasn’t always been that way because as I said earlier on, I struggled greatly as a child to make friends and be social…in fact when I think about it, I struggled more before I was diagnosed with Autism then afterwards…well a few years after my diagnosis I got better at it!

I started off not so bad as I had friends at my special needs school but once I left that place, I struggled to make decent friends with many people in school and often spend my times being ridiculed and alone. Not happy days for me and I didn’t even know I had Autism at this stage in my life but I had an idea that something was up as I would always do things without thinking about consequences, whether I was upsetting anyone or not…such thoughts never entered my head and was probably why my childhood wasn’t as good as it probably could have been if I was more aware of what I had at an earlier age, who knows but what happened, happened and it left me feeling negative and not wanting to go near anyone for a very long time.

Going to college though was a huge help for me as it gave a fresh new start after being a disaster at school that left a bad taste in my mouth and made me distrustful of people altogether. You would think that things would only get worse from here because of how I felt, I had pretty much given up on ever making a true friend but I was very wrong! It didn’t take long at all for me to be nice and include me in things…no time at all and that made me wonder just why school went so wrong…had I gotten lucky or something?

Throughout the next 5 years, I would make friends with many people on my courses and my confidence would continue to grow each time, up to the point that I was mostly able to forget all of the hard times in school and accept that I was just with some bad and stupid eggs that I was better away from! However, from time to time I would find myself experiencing meltdowns at awkward times and feel down that people would like me anymore because I was being weird…I began to feel down again but my friends would always bring me back and help me up…no one had ever done that before and it was an eye opener, not everyone is bad, if you can find the right people which are everywhere…anyone can make a friend! My confidence was that high, I even got a girlfriend who’s now my wife!

Eventually, I decided to take the next step, move away from home and go to University was I was terrified off as I had never lived by myself and so far away from home before, I’ll never forget that first moment once my parents drove away after dropping me off and It all clicked, I was on my own now and it was scary…I wasn’t sure if I could make the most of it all or would I crack and want to go home! That first night, I met some of my flatmates and we agreed to go to another flat for a meet and greet drinking party…I was nervous but reluctantly went along, even though I wanted to run into my room and lock the door.

I stepped into the flat kitchen later on with my flat mates and all I saw in the place was a big group of students huddled into the reasonable space which was a decent size kitchen but it contained more than 10 people! So it was a tad bit cramped which I’ll admit was my first issue with the evening, I sometimes feel scared in tight spaces…maybe I’m claustrophobic? Everyone was already drunk and playing drinking games on the counter tops and it amazed me how quick some people can make friends when they have only just met when it can take me weeks or months to feel comfortable around just one person, let alone a whole room!

I shortly made my excuses and went back to my dorm room, feeling sorry for myself but to my surprise…my roommates were…proud of me! They were happy that I at least gave going out a go and that really made things better for me, no one was disappointed or thought that I was being weird…they said we’d try again and take it step by step, I felt like at that moment, I had gone full circle…from the first time I ever went to a social event at a club in my hometown as a child, being all alone and feeling bad about it, as an adult…I was praised for at least trying, no pressure was on me and I would eventually get the hang of it, that speaks volumes for me.

I’ve had ups and downs throughout my life…I’ve liked to play it safe at times because I was to scared to take that next step for whatever reason, like how I stayed in dorms for my entire time in University because I was to scared to ask anyone if I could move in with them, it was an experience as some were good and some were really annoying but that’s life, an experience! Not everyone I met was nice but the difference here was I knew that, as a child…I was naive and didn’t see that in people…it led me to being bullied because of it yet I feel like it opened my eyes and prepared me for times like this…life is an experience, we choose whether we listen to it’s lessons or not.

I have good friends, a wife, family and I can go somewhere and have a good time….just maybe not all the time!

Autism- Having Dark Thoughts

Disclaimer Note- The Quotes and Article in this blog are not my property, nor do I claim them to be so, they are the property of the BBC.

Hello, today we look into what it could be like if you weren’t exactly always positive and upbeat when it comes to Autism, a look at an article where a Mother talks about it all always being sunshine and rainbows when it comes to her children and at points in her life, wanting to take the autism away at any cost.

It goes on to tell how a mother with 3 Autistic Children has pretty much reached a breaking point. In the article, she is called Christine and is a single mother of 3 children…as said, they are all Autistic and it talks about how the community doesn’t accept anything other than being positive

“There’s a celebratory notion that this is a fantastic thing,” she says, and feels that the community won’t let people be anything other than relentlessly positive.- BBC

Being positive is of course an amazing thing and many parents who have children with Autism will be undoubtedly be so, however…this is not always the case as shown in this article on the BBC last month  entitled

‘I have dark thoughts about my children’s autism’

I sort of agree with this statement as various times over the years, negative thoughts and opinions are sometimes waved to the side, mostly with good reason of course…doesn’t really help anyone if they need a perk up or to be cheered up, only to find an article about bleaching the brain cures Autism or a school shooting was done by someone with Autism. People starting groups to mock Autistic people, only for Facebook to take days to remove them…seen it all so I can get where she is coming from but also understood why many people just don’t like to read or see someone post something that they know will depress them…sadly, saying just don’t read it doesn’t work in this day and age (it bloody should) Unless an admin says something of course, I mean it’s a page they run so surely they have the important say.

What I get from Christine is that she doesn’t feel strong, positive and upbeat…and that’s alright, not everyone has to and while it does help, we are human at the end of the day and everyone has limits…I don’t care what you say, you have a breaking point!

“I love my children and I’m so proud of what they can do – but if I could take away the difficulties that they’ve got and give them different lives, then I would.”

Be honest, have you ever thought about how your life or someone you know’s life would be different if the Autism was no longer there? Not even once? I have when I was younger and I don’t regret it, It’s called curiosity people! Not having a go but to be honest, it would surprise me if a few people had an issue that someone had ‘dark thoughts’ when it came to her children’s autism…I’m not entirely agreeing with all of her statements because I can understand…a single parent with 3 children who are all autistic…even without Autism, that’s a very hard job! She’s probably been pushed to the edge on multiple occasions and when seeking advice or help on the matter, sees constant people saying how wonderful everything is and it drives her crazy because if she says something against that…the inevitable backlash happens

“I get riled when people say well-meaning things like ‘you must be a really strong person because you wouldn’t be given more than what you can deal with”

It’s important to look at both sides of this, even though most prefer to only focus on the positives, you cannot deny that the negatives exist! For a single mother with 3 Autistic Children, I could certainly understand that it must be extremely difficult to cope but read the article and decide for yourselves but I agree with Christine and also disagree..I agree that it would be hard…she’ll have moments where they cried, screamed and wanted it all to go but she must of had those good moments as well and Autism isn’t a disease to be feared, only to be more understood…perhaps more assistance is needed for her and her children.

Useful Information

‘I have dark thoughts about my children’s autism’

Autism- Dylann Roof Would Rather Die Than Have An Autism Diagnosis Made Public!

Warning- Sensitive Subject

Hello…can’t believe I found this story but it made me mad enough that I had to write something! Being from Britain, don’t be completely surprised if I have not ever heard of this individual that much or be completely aware of what he has done! Is what I was going to say before his name began to ring a bell and I began to remember but just to be sure, I did some research into what crime he committed before I wrote this ( I googled him) and the hint of what I got was that he is a mass murderer and a white supremacist, convicted of the Charleston Shooting in 2015…yeah and as I read more about it, the more mad I became!

The headline states that Dylann reportedly said to the judge that he would rather die than have an Autism Diagnosis made public or it could ‘discredit his crime’ Ok…for me anyway, I could care if you have Autism or not…your a monster! I’d spend less time worrying about people blaming this on your possible Autism and more on the fact that your a stain on society, that your a massive racist because that’s still a thing apparently in 2017…for some reason and that if the justice system doesn’t fail, you’ll never set foot on our streets ever again! Although I read he was getting the Death Penalty for his crimes and while I’m not the biggest fan of the Death Penalty…I do not believe that Dylann would ever change and I’ve heard of too many tales of criminals being released, only to do it again.

After everything that this evil has done…all he is bothered about is people focusing on the fact that he might have Autism, rather than the actual crime itself… or as he said…

‘Because once you’ve got that label, there is no point in living anyway. You see what I am saying?‘ – Roof. D

This attitude about having Autism is the worst…no point in living because of the label? it’s better to have murdered people and not have Autism?? With or without Autism…you’ll be remembered as a heinous devil who tried to start a race war because your a white supremacist…your opinions are outdated and sad! A disturbed individual who obviously has a shady past…he was determined to keep his family history a secret and is rather paranoid as well, hiding his forehead from sight…you know, you’d think you would have more to worry about during a trial for your life than people’s opinion on your big forehead or the fact that you might have Autism…even if you have Autistic Traits, it doesn’t make you a killer…I have Autism and I don’t feel like doing something that stupid… I know people who have Autism, they are all normal people who live life to the fullest…people like to blame crimes like this on mental health issues…it’s too easy to say, they had Autism or were Bi Polar…AD/HD etc everything has a label…is it so hard to just say that this guy was evil…why would it matter if he had Autism?!

If I was a parent of a murdered kid and I found out that the murderer was Autistic, I wouldn’t care…MY CHILD WOULD BE DEAD! Does the killer’s mental health change anything? No! Lots of people have Autism, I’m not going to assume they are all murderers because of one person, that’s stupid! People like him are still out in the world…in 2017, we still deal with Racism, Sexism amongst many other things that you’d assume would all be sorted 50 years ago, if not 100!

Point being, this disturbed individual was more bothered about people discrediting his crime because he may or may not have Autism…I’m sure the families of the murdered will really be that bothered about that…not focused on the racism or the fact that you killed 9 people and have shown no remorse for it…spending all your time demanding a federal trial so people couldn’t see your big forehead but no, the fact that possibly having Autism might discredit your work, that is the important thing in all of this! F*** sake!

No remorse, delusional, paranoid and stupid dreams of being governor of South Carolina! All I can say is that I am deeply disturbed…just by looking up who this person was…I really wish I hadn’t now…this is a different kind of evil…an evil that wanted to start a war, had no remorse and would easily do it again, that much is obvious! Yet the headline of this article that I have read was that a mass murderer was paranoid about people possibly finding out that he may or may not have Autism because he doesn’t want anything to take away from what he did.

This isn’t the Middle Ages people, you’d think that in 2017…we’d be a little smarter to always assume it’s because of a mental illness that someone kills…sometimes…people just do it without it…some people are just insane!

I’m embarrassed that he is the same species as me…I feel sick that someone can become like this…who says monsters only exist in stories! What ever your beliefs are in this world, nothing can excuse or praise a person who clearly doesn’t care, is still trying to dictate what can be said or not said and not shown or said.

Tell you what, to finish off here, I’ll diagnose this guy for you all, since we all like labels so much, I’ll give him a label that you can blame it all on, it’s pretty simple…this is it

EVIL

How Does Autism Affect you?

Basically, everyone will have a different opinion regarding their Autism, some people will see it as a hindrance to how they live life every single day whereas others won’t have it affect how they do things at all. If you ask ten different people with Autism what their life is like, chances that you’ll have ten very different answers is very high, how do I know this? I have at least met ten other people with Autism and not one of them are like me in great detail, sure we have minor details down to a ‘T’ but as for the rest, we are polar opposites.

I myself no longer have my life affected by my Autism or at least no where near to the extent that it once did when I was younger. So many mistakes made because I never thought anything through, didn’t care if I did anything bad, as long as I was happy that was all I cared about. Quite often, I find stories of how Autism prevents people from living a basic normal life and I always roll my eyes because I just wouldn’t ever let that happen, I couldn’t live a life where everyone else is always telling me that I couldn’t ‘cope’ without them because of my ‘Autism’  I will not be chained down by others who don’t even have Autism!

It was my constant thoughts and being paranoid about how people would see me and accept me for what I had that really messed me up as a youth, it was really bad and I had no idea how to handle things and I made many mistakes because of this. Over time though, I have learnt that everyone makes mistakes, whether you have a condition or not, people just see what we have and assume that’s why they made such a mistake in the first place. The smartest people make mistakes, the happiest people do every day! So why should I always feel down and shut myself away because of Autism? At the worst times It makes me feel lonely and isolated from everyone I care about but it passes and most of the time, I am fine…I live with my wife and have accomplished a lot in my life, because I can!

I’m afraid I will never completely understand why a lot of other people constantly put themselves down because of what they have! Sure, maybe they have a more severe case of Autism compared to what I have but when it comes to that, I have learnt that you can’t say anything like that without offending many people, even saying minor Autism can tick people off…having an opinion is tough but many people with Autism are doing wonderful things in the world like writing books and having pro-vital roles in society so if anyone tells you that you can’t ‘cope’ because of your Autism, tell them that many others can so why can’t you? It’s not impossible, people told me it was and I ignored them because if I did, I’d have never moved out of my family home or met my wife! I’d be isolated and alone.

 

It’s easy to roll over and accept it but it’s very hard to do something about it….but if it wasn’t hard then it wouldn’t be worth it! Autism is what you make of it! Sure you’ll have bad days but good days will come as well. Some days you’ll feel like you don’t have any friends or that you can’t follow your dreams but you can bypass that and go for it anyway, screw it if your terrified or feel scared, we have one life on this Earth and i’ll be dammed if I’m spending mine locked away in a bedroom playing games all day, feeling sorry for myself! I did that once…never again!

If everyone understood Autism, maybe everything would be easier for those who have it, going out and living a daily life would be such a task if others knew how much of a struggle it could actually be. I used to be scared of having any children because chances of them having Autism was always there but now If they have Autism, I will do everything I can to help them  because I know what it’s like, I understand how hard it can be to get through a day without being paranoid, without worrying about how others saw me all the time.

If school could have been easier if my teachers and other students knew what I had and didn’t think I was weird because I was scared of making friends or speaking to other people! I hope one day everything is a lot simpler and not a daunting task for people with Autism, I can imagine my childhood would have been a lot easier if others were more accepting and understanding of what I  really had.

Well it’s 2017, who knows maybe changes worldwide will happen this year, you can always hope but as for me, I often forget I have Autism nowadays, that’s because it rarely ever affects anything, my past experiences have seen to that, I got so tired of how things were that I broke through that barrier and did something about it. I know that if I hadn’t my life would be a lot different right now, I would be anywhere near as happy if I hadn’t. Long may everyone achieve their dreams and prove all doubters wrong!