Autism- It’s Not Me, It’s You

To be social, that’s the one thing that is deemed the most ‘normal’ out of anything else I have ever seen or heard whilst being alive, you have to interact with others and make friends or you just not normal, it’s that simple. To follow the map of life set out by others that achieve A and B by this age etc If you aren’t married by a certain age or have children, some of society seem to look down upon you and ask ‘what’s wrong with you?’ All of these lifetime goals involve one important ingredient….communication

First of all, a conversation requires at least two people to have one! Sounds easy right but not so much when one of those people happens to struggle to read facial expressions, emotions or meanings behind words and some many times throughout my life, this misunderstanding of having conversations and just not being able to follow has cost me big time! In my childhood, it cost me my first set of friends…I didn’t understand their conversations and it got me mad and they slowly began thinking I was strange, eventually wanting nothing to do with me. This change in my life was the long road to understanding of the art of having a conversation and it was one that in a way, still goes on to this day.

To be called cold by someone, unfeeling and a even like a robot by people I have known and strangers as well but what hurts the most is that I have given them the typical stereotypes behind Autism, to give them that incorrect message and send them away feeling negative towards me, the pain I feel when I cry back home, knowing that yet another person in this world is against me, that mountain I have to climb to appear ‘normal’ just keeps on getting taller! I don’t mean to appear anti- social in front of everyone, I go out of my front door everyday with the best intentions to make someone smile, to be the best person I can be and for once…not come home feeling sad and sometimes, I can come home feeling bright and not down about the world for a change but a lot of the time, I’m down and out, knowing that yet another person can be added to the list of ones that thing I hate people because I don’t talk that much or if at all, knowing that my nerves have gotten the better of me once again!

When I think about it, I don’t always ask how other people are when I see them, I often forget my manners because I’m just so thrilled that someone wants to talk to me that it all goes out of the window…only to quickly return once the conversation is cut short, mainly because it’s one sided, I feel deflated and upset because I know it’s my fault. The problem is though, I feel like I have to try twice as hard to even have a long talk with someone, even close friends can be tricky sometimes because I can just sit and listen, getting lost in the conversation that I forget to talk.

I guess I’m just entirely used to showing how I really feel on the inside to the outside or maybe I’m afraid to do so. I always try to be upbeat and positive before a day starts but when your actually doing something with someone else, all of it can disappear and the nerves return, I miss my line and my opportunity to make a new friend, to feel just that little less weird in this world but I always say ‘Tomorrow will be my day!’ 

When did making a friend become so difficult? We are all different and experience life in different ways but I know that many people don’t struggle to talk with others, I mean when I was at University, I saw people walk up to strangers and become friends in under a minute! When it can take me months and another a minute, you can’t help but be a little jealous. It’s like a gift given to some and not to others, I guess then that I am one of those unlucky people that lacks the ability to have a talk with another human being without losing control of my emotions. If I can, it isn’t for long and only when I feel really confident so I try to make the most out of it but I just wish that I could do it for longer, to not have to lose control and make friends easily with a smile and a joke maybe…that would be nice, no more anxiety and beating myself up over it anymore, I can dream right?

I don’t mean to sound negative or attention seeking with this post but it’s unavoidable because it’s a story told by so many people in this world, we wish to be able to talk and have someone listen, to have a laugh and a good time with someone else who wants to talk to you, not feel sorry or negative about you. I have my ways of being social and they were terrible in my childhood but seem to have gained ground recently but I continue to keep trying everyday, in hope that I can hold a conversation with someone and not lose any momentum because I freeze up or don’t ask about them but I know that most people are far better at it then I am and I’m not mad about it, just wish that I can learn the secret…be more like others sometimes…but who am I kidding, I’m me and that’s all I have to use, I just have to keep trying.

Pick Me Up On Those Thoughts

Hello everyone!

As a writer, I like to just type up whatever I feel like from time to time so I’ll be doing so every couple of days or so! I mean, why not? If you’ve read any of my blogs before, you’ll know that I have Autism! Not that I constantly go on about it or anything…anyway that does tend to me my main talking point, probably because most of my life has revolved around dealing with having it but to be honest, it’s isn’t that much of a factor for me today as it was say…10 years ago…I feel like a different person in 2018 to 2008 but then again, most people will do after a decade has passed them by!

10 years ago, I would try to avoid going out to see friends and be social, it tired me out far too much and caused so many meltdowns if I did something stupid! I remember going to a friends house with some others and we played on the Nintendo Wii for a while when for some reason….I just wanted to get up and leave…I had to go outside because I wanted to cry…It’s hard to explain but I had this strange feeling and I had to go outside and calm down. I don’t remember much else, except that I wandered half a smile down the road…must of thought a walk would calm me down but a friend came after me and persuaded me to come back to the house and this was significant for me because as far as I can remember, that was the last time I ever properly panicked when being with friends…well one other time a few years later but I only went outside for a minute or so…shouldn’t really count!

Yet now, I’m seeing friends tonight, again tomorrow and arranging to travel down south to see some friends this summer…it feels weird to be suddenly…sociable, not sure how to feel about it but I’m enjoying it at the moment, may it continue! This was something that I thought I would never have years ago so to be able to have such good mates around me is something that I’ll never let go off again.

I’m starting a fantasy story this year, which I’m really excited about as I’ve always wanted to write a story but have always never found the time to do so…yet I have set aside at least an hour on most days to do some writing for it, so I’ll have to see how that goes but so far, I have some characters written down, minus the names, the plot and I have started doing some world building! Also ordered a book on fantasy writing to help me along the way which is good because I wouldn’t want to spend a few years on this and then find out I’ve been doing it wrong the whole time! It’s all part of the adventure though!

Getting ready to go and watch a football match tomorrow! Premier League as Huddersfield Town take on West Ham United! I’m a Town Fan and have been to most Home games this season, minus the Tottenham Match (Work) and Stoke match on Boxing Day (Not trains running) but all the others, I have been at and it’s been a fun season! Some ups, downs and stalemates but whatever happens when the season ends, it’ll be something that I’ll always remember…I mean when you beat Manchester United 2-1, you hold on to that memory for the rest of your life! Ironically, people with Autism tend to not enjoy spaces full of people but I love going to a football stadium, the vast noise and excitement over a team kicking a football into a net!

Got a busy few days coming up so I’m looking forward to it all! Already trying to make 2018 a good year, which I’m impressed with as I usually just wait for things to happen but this time round, I’m trying to make them happen!

 

Have a good weekend!

Happy New Year 2018- Try Your Best!

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old lang syne?

Happy New Year everybody! We say farewell to 2017 and welcome 2018 and that makes me overjoyed because I hate odd number years! Yes I’m weird like that as I feel more confident and lucky when the year ends with an even number! So bring on 2018 everybody and let’s make this one better than the last!

Before I go on though, part of me just sees New Years as another day, yes I enjoy it and I’ll celebrate it but once midnight hits and we all sing and cheer…that’s it, back to normal and we begin a new year a bit quietly I might add…January is always a quiet month for me so I always wonder why so many people travel long distances across country and spend vast amounts of money I might add, after they already have done these things a week prior for Christmas…just for a few minutes on the 31st of December? In London, you have people standing for hours in the cold for the fireworks, when you can watch it for free on TV, some even came from Taiwan or further afield! For fireworks! It’s not a bad thing to do by any means so go ahead and have a blast, I just find it funny how people moan about spending so much on Christmas, yet do the same thing a week later…maybe we all just like to moan from time to time? Life’s hard so who doesn’t like to unwind and celebrate something, just don’t be shocked if I don’t listen to you moan about how much you spent doing it the day after!

Moving on to Autism now, the start of a new year can bring hope that things will go a lot better for an individual than the previous one as I find myself reflecting on stuff that didn’t perhaps go to plan and what I can possibly do to make things more positive and better this time around…sounds like a broken record to be honest because I feel like I say this every January…it’s like a new years resolution that fails after a week!

A main challenge for anyone with Autism is being social and making friends, getting a job, getting married etc You see it all over the internet, books etc It’s a task for someone with Autism to do what someone without Autism can do, twice the effort etc You’ve probably heard it all a million times already! But one thing that I do everyday is something that helps a great deal and it’s rather simple as well but it works.

Do Your Best  

Basically, that’s all anyone should be able to do in this situation…just the best that you can do! No one should expect more or less really when it comes to socializing and not any other person can make this happen except for you! When I went to University, I had to force myself to go out and try to mingle with people, it wasn’t easy by any standard and at times, it didn’t work at all but I had successes as well in the long run and was generally a liked member of my class, I mean I got quite the cheer when I went to collect my degree on graduation day and for me, that speaks volumes because I can remember times when something like University was impossible, I had no interest in going out and spending time with people, not a chance!

I know what it’s like to have no friends and honestly, I hated every moment of it! Yes I enjoy time to myself but deep down, I knew I was lonely and I couldn’t think of a reason why I actually was. Could it have been my fault? Yes…it somewhat was…because I wasn’t making much of an effort or I just didn’t think it was that important really to go out and possibly humiliate myself by trying to make friends, if I failed…I’d just be mocked for it and be even more alone…if that was possible back then. School wasn’t fun for me, especially after my diagnosis but who am I kidding, it went wrong for me long before I even knew what Autism was!  Yet when I went to College and University, new worlds opened up for me and I was able to grow and learn more about myself because of it…I still made errors along the way but because I had better people around me than I ever did in school, I could cope and become more confident, resulting in the lifelong friends I have today!

I did my best along the way, accepting that I would have setbacks and that not everyone would like me along the way, some people didn’t but many did and I realized that growing up, I wanted everyone to like me and it cost me a lot because I said yes to everyone and felt used in the end, I couldn’t see that some had caught on and were using me…I respect myself far too much now to ever let that happen again but it took a lot of self belief that I wasn’t worthless, finding the right people to help me and a little bit of luck for it all to happen.

I was also tired of feeling cynical and being negative all the time, it was just as much my fault for what happened to me as it was everyone else, I let it happen…I didn’t try to stop it until it was too late and accepting that helped me a lot, I took the responsibility and learned from it, helping me grow as a person…I don’t moan about how others chose to live their lives or how I feel jealous that many can easily go out and make friends whereas It takes me ages to make just one! Life is to precious and short to worry about all of that, just do the best that you can and enjoy every single moment because good times will come to you! However, you have to make that happen…don’t just sit there and wait for me, get out there and make it happen yourself…yes bad times will happen but so will good ones…you just have to be a little bit brave and you’ll see the rewards for your efforts, not everyone out there will ignore you, some will see the attempts and efforts you put in…I for one don’t talk all the time with people I don’t know as much but over time, I find myself engaging in conversation with work colleagues more and more and as much as I feel nervous about it all, I give it a go at least and I always feel happy every time I have one!

So this year, I’ll continue to do the same and try to do a little bit more each time because I believe that I can, if I try hard enough…I myself can make 2018 a good year and with a little bit of luck, that’s what will happen….especially because me and my wife will try for a baby!

Happy New Year World! 

Autism- How Much Help and Attention To Be Had

Good day, I thought that on this blog I would talk about the help I received as a child and whether I personally think it helped in any way or hindered my progress through life. Where I normally talk about Autism, most of this happened when I was unaware that I had it. I would begin life struggling to do anything really but by the way I became an adult I was just as capable as anyone was but along the way, I felt like I had reached that point but couldn’t find anyone who believed me so I had to have help in school to which I didn’t always want and I’ll explain why in this blog.

When I was younger, the simplest of tasks seemed to be a little bit of a challenge to me, where for everyone else was simple, easy and came naturally to them. Walking and talking were both late into the station for me, delayed by measures that were never understood at such a young age, I paid no heed to either one but everyone around me were very concerned about falling behind everyone in my schools.

As well as going to my hometowns school, I also went to a special needs school, which I have nothing but fantastic memories of that place, more so than my other school. I don’t know why the special needs school was better than the mainstream school, probably because the former had more children that were like me in certain ways and we could relate, whereas the latter was full of children that could adapt and learn without much assistance but I went to both schools during the week but as the years went by, I would slowly begin to go to the school in my hometown a bit more and by the time I turned 7, I left the special needs school as I didn’t have a need to attend anymore.

From 1992 to 1997 I attended that school and they were the best 5 years that I had at any place of education, at least until I started college in 2006 but that’s a long wait and the time in between were dark days for me as a person, ones that I feel hindered any progress and left me doubting myself and seeing no hope for any kind of future but every time I say this in a blog, I think hard and wonder…were they really as bad as I always make them seem? Well I went from having good friends to no friends to speak of in the space of a couple of years as everyone at the other school found me weird and wanted nothing to do with me, reasons I didn’t understand at that time as I didn’t even know that I had Autism at this stage. Yes I was bullied, never beaten up or anything but made to feel like a no one which didn’t help the situation when I had never experienced such isolation before. Treat like I was incapable by teachers and students…doesn’t make one confident for the future, does it?

Leaving that special needs school was painful for me and to be honest, a part of me died that day or should I say any happiness I had enjoyed in life up to that point, wiped out by the cold reality of real life and it sounds dramatic saying that but when I look back at my life, moving schools was the equivalent of being thrown into shark infested waters, something that I was not really prepared for mentally. A couple of years later, it became a realisation that it might be years before I can find the confidence I had gained at my previous school, to be made to feel normal, that was all I ever wanted and to be honest, it was what was needed for me to grow as a person as well but as I discovered over the next 5 to 6 years, no one would listen.

Hang on, I slightly take that back a little, some people did listen as I had 2 helpers in my primary school that were kind and did help me in a way that I needed, they treated me with kindness and respect and for brief moments, I began to think that everything would be ok…only for all of that to be dashed away once secondary school started but I won’t even mention that place anymore so lets move on!

I found out when I was a little bit older that I needed a lot more attention than many other children in my year did and I was stunned by that because I didn’t even notice that I was getting any of it, assuming that others had help in classes as well, I never really paid any attention to it…after all I was still a child who didn’t think much about stuff like that. I always had a helper for classes and some were really good with me but as I grew, having a helper just seemed to bother and hinder me because I didn’t feel like I was doing that much of the work if I had a cheat code to help me out. To be honest, my person just sounds like a ungrateful moaner who was ungrateful for having help at all but hear me out when I say that I felt like I didn’t need it, I wanted to accept the responsibility of taking on all of my work because I believed I had what it took to get decent grades if given the chance but by the time my GCSES came about, I was diagnosed with Autism and thrown in a small group with delinquents who were very distracting and was only allowed to do 3 GCSES, Maths, English and Science….doesn’t scream having faith in you that much, does it?

All of that help in school ended up in nothing in the end really, just a waste of time because no one knew what I had until it was too late and to be honest, I’m glad they didn’t know earlier on because lord knows what they would have done then…it was still a time that not many knew what Autism was! 2006 was a year where everything changed because guess what? I knew what I needed and I went to college to get away for that god forsaken and clueless area that did nothing for me, I went back to the town where the special needs school had been and went to college and spent the next 5 years rewriting what I considered to be wrongs given to me as I had a nasty taste in my mouth, which to be honest..I still somewhat have of that place.

I still had some help in college as well but it was voluntary and others had it as well so I didn’t feel alone and I was made to feel like I could figure it out for myself which was what I wanted and…I did, I got better marks immediately, what a surprise, so much time wasted before hand and for nothing…I felt robbed of years of my life, all because some people took a look at me and didn’t see much and like a wad of gum, I was thrown away pretty much. College gave me my confidence back and I accepted some help because it benefited me and helped me grow, which was how I should have felt earlier on and even in University, I had a helper that I saw once a week who was the best helper I ever had, she was so good and gave great advice that when she sadly left before my final year began, I declined the offer of a new helper and spent the 3rd year doing my own work, I didn’t want anyone else…she was to special to me because she did the one thing that those other helpers in my childhood (minus 2) failed to do…treat me like I could do it, like they had faith that I would get it and that was something I rarely felt in school.

To sum all of that up, what I feel like the issue was that before I was diagnosed with Autism, things weren’t terrible, sure school wasn’t the best and I was unaware of what I had and perhaps I didn’t help myself with actions in my childhood as I didn’t understand but sympathy for such things was non existent amongst most people back then so I felt like an outcast and wasn’t given a chance to learn and grow because of it which continued on until I left school and begun college where I finally was able to understand because people gave me a chance, which was all I ever needed.

When I was taken from most classes in High school and put into a smaller one, it was because no one knew what Autism was but they immediately assumed that was what was best for me which was wrong because they just assumed it was one thing but I don’t have a high dose of it, which I was unaware of at the time as I believed what I was told at that stage and it made me resent everything, I turned bitter and negative because I felt that was how the world felt about me. What hope for a future did I have when everyone had turned against me in a sense, well not everyone against me but not much belief was there but it did make me determined…I was so desperate to wipe the smug grins off my doubters that I pushed myself for years afterwards to accomplish something without help and when I graduated from University with a 2:1 and award for overall achievement…I felt like I had done that but even so…if I had those years back where I could have focused on what I wanted to do with my life…maybe I would have gone down another more promising path, who knows.

The help during my time in education both help and hindered me at certain times but for other people, maybe they need help all the way through but not everyone with Autism does and that was my issue, it was assumed that Autism was the same with everyone who had it so I got the same help that someone with high Autism would but I didn’t need it and it hindered me in a big way. As for now, I guess I am happy that it showed that I at least never gave up on myself or I doubt I’d have ever wanted to go to college after all of that, nor would have met the friends I have today or my eventual wife…it’s funny when you think that if you had one or two things differently, you might not have what you have today in a way…I guess everything happens for a reason.

What I Like About Having Autism?

I always seem to read or see the negative side of it all and it got me wondering, what is it about having Autism that I like? I mean with negativity, positivity has to be somewhere around and it’s not all doom and gloom, a lot of good things happen in my life as well so today, I discuss all of the good things that have happened to me because of my Autism.

How I perceive things–  When I look at the world, I see negativity plastered all over the place, in the media, online and close to home whether it be with family friends or myself and I can’t help but wonder whether negative things are reported all over the place on purpose. Think about watching the news for example…how often do you find a really positive news story that cheers you up, rather than bring you down more so? For me, not so often…it’s more than likely a massive news story of something awful happening in the world and as I become older, they seem to be more frequent and serious.

However, I find myself being told by others that I have a different way of looking at news compared to other people…the majority of people that I talk to about a news story say how horrible the world has become and the feelings of the loss of life because of an attack etc yet I don’t always react like that…I don’t know what it is but some people say that I always seem upbeat and positive in some way every time and I don’t even realise that I’m doing it, although sometimes I can be a little down in the dumps and go a little to far when it comes to talking about certain topics.

I guess I just like being told that I have a different way of reacting to world news to the majority of people because I don’t think that I do yet strangers always say that it’s a bit refreshing to talk to someone who won’t do what everyone else is doing and give the same reaction, I’ll try to cheer someone up or make them smile if the topic is upsetting….maybe I’m just afraid of someone crying or feeling sad near me, I don’t know but I just like being told that it’s unique…probably because all I think about is lighting up a conversation and not have it be all doom and gloom.

Over worrying- Yes, this is something that I have grown to like and here’s why…I found from over the years that if I over worry about an issue or not knowing what will happen, it shows that I really care about it and more than likely, I will put more effort into resolving said issue but if I don’t over worry and care about what’s going on in my life…it more often than not means that I don’t care that much about it and put little to no effort into resolving it and for me, that’s not often very good.

If anything, over worrying brings the best out of me because it keeps me focused and it helps me put more effort in which was what got me through college and university after years of feeling down in the dumps when I first found out I had Autism and felt I had to put more effort in than most people would to just do well because I was always doubting what I could and couldn’t do, always comparing and sounding envious of others who probably didn’t have an argument with their thoughts constantly and to be honest, it works for me. The proof for this is the award I was given on my graduation day for Overall Achievement, says it all really.

It makes me different- I like being different to a lot of people…in my area, the majority of people my age like to go out clubbing regularly and pretty much drink alcohol, go to festivals and other stuff etc my friends and wife occasionally enjoy going out to a club or two from time to time but that kind of stuff just isn’t high on my fun stuff to do list…I enjoy peace and tranquility most of the time but don’t get me wrong, I can go out and have fun as well but I don’t enjoy doing it often…makes it more like a chore if I have to do it every weekend and makes it not so special…time to myself lets me reflect and enjoy things at my own pace, not someone else’s…I’m terrible at teamwork because if someone else is in control and I don’t like something…I go into shutdown mode, well not as bad as I used to…nowadays I just think about how annoying it is in my mind and keep calm.

I’m referred to as a mature individual often and act older than my actual age but look younger than my actual age…so I look 20 yet act 30…I don’t know! I can do what others do but I just don’t class clubbing, drinking every weekend as important, they are fun but I just don’t have the passion to constantly want to do it…I didn’t at University and felt out of the loop quite often because of it but I didn’t mind because I was just being me.

Too much socializing can be overwhelming for me and make me retreat for a little while and I honestly don’t mind it half as much as I used to because I know I can’t always help it, that and a bit of me time isn’t a bad thing…most people enjoy a little time to themselves…who doesn’t enjoy a few hours playing a game on a console or writing a story, going for a long run in the countryside or something relaxing or fun solo…you don’t have to do everything with a friend or loved one, it doesn’t make you anti social, despite all the pressures of today’s society to make as many friends as you can or your a loser, that’s nonsense.

So yeah, just a few quirks that I enjoy about having Autism, I don’t always follow the norm as to what most people my age do because most people just do the same things, minus hobbies and nothings wrong with that but it’s just nice sometime to feel a little bit different I guess.

Hiding In Plain Slight

Today I talk about a topic that Is quite close to me personally because it has developed over the last few years or so and maybe discussing it will shed some slight onto it, perhaps other people do the same and can relate. I refer to putting on another personality in front of other people but when alone, I let the real me loose…so to say. Visibly, I can mostly be honest with the close ones in my life but 100%? that’s a little tricky.

Is one really happy with how they are honestly in front of the world? I often ask myself if the person I portray to others is the real deal when I go to work or see friends or family, or just a mask that I want them to see because I might be too angry, embarrassed or upset at the time and I don’t want others to see, to pry or even mock…Is the real me only known to myself is something that I think about quite often but do others have these thoughts as well? Do we all portray and masquerade in front of the world for these reasons, only to ‘come out of our shells’ once we feel safe to?

I often say that I keep my true feelings and thoughts to myself, not letting anyone else really know what I think or feel about a matter, keep my cards close to my chest so to say and It’s something that I doubt I will ever cease doing in my lifetime. My reasons for thinking like this? Pain. When I was learning to accept that I had Autism and had a new way of looking at the world, I made myself very vulnerable and many people took advantage of that and I found myself isolated and mocked because I said silly things without thinking and would often be afraid to lie if someone asked for an opinion (I still somewhat do) I was left with no friends and I lost trust in other people for a few years, causing me to one day decide to masquerade, be what they wanted me to be but deep down, keep what I really thought all to myself, because I don’t want to go back to that place where others were taking advantage of my feelings and actions because they thought it was funny.

Over the years after my childhood, my found my confidence returning to me once my found myself with people that accepted me for who I was and I became less bitter for it, I had friends and a partner…life was good once more but the pain of the past often keeps me on edge and I have a few times nearly reached a breaking point or as many with Autism call it, a meltdown but with time, they became less frequent and nowadays, it’s once a year if any at all but why is that? Autism isn’t something that can just be switched off but for me, it’s learning from mistakes in the past and using what I had learned to prevent them happening in the future and many call me the mature one of the group. In University, I was told I was often one of the most mature ones of the course which was a little strange at first as many of them were bright, intelligent and amazing people but others at home were starting to say it as well so I guess some truth must be in it.

Of course you can’t turn Autism off, I’ll have it throughout my life and I accept that but it doesn’t say anywhere that you can dumb down the effects through experience, acceptance and of course support from loved ones. All of these things make it seem that I don’t even have Autism, I have forgotten from time to time that I have it and many will disagree that I should be able to dim how it affects me but I can only say what I have experienced in my life and that I use my past as a motivation to make my future better.

Yet when I think about it, if I do have a good set of friends, a loving partner and family…do I need to hide away like I state that I do…I don’t know, maybe I don’t need to anymore but perhaps it is still necessary to, just in case I feel the need to…not even my partner or parents truly know how I feel, only myself and I feel safer if I keep it that way because If I’m honest with others about my true feelings, they might have a hold over me and I know I shouldn’t say that because if I love them, I should trust them and I do but to a certain extent that goes up to my thoughts….it’s complicated.

Perhaps one day in the future I could concede and realise that I no longer need to keep my cards so close, I can let the close ones in because I know they are always there for me, to love and support me but not today…I don’t feel completely ready yet…maybe it’s just that not enough time has passed yet for me to let it go…maybe when I become a parent and look my baby in the eyes…I could let go and understand that I do have to be afraid anymore but until that day comes, I had best put my mask back on.

Autism- Are We More Likely To Fall Victim To ‘Disability Hate Crime’?

Today, we discuss an article that I came across today that discusses a topic that raised alarm bells in me…apparently, according to the Independent, People who suffer from Autism are amongst those most likely to suffer from ‘Disability Hate Crime’  They suggest that people with Autism are more likely to suffer from this than many other people with a condition and I was unsure at first because why would it only be people with Autism? I read in a bit more and saw some stories of people with Autism having a ‘friend’ and ending up being threatened, bullied and robbed blind because they couldn’t see how these people really were, they just saw someone who was a mate and it became clear that it’s trusting someone and failing to see past the lies that could possibly be a cause of why this paper is suggesting this in the first place.

The story in the article suggests that some people with Autism can tend to be too gullible and trusting towards people they may consider a friend which leads to the individual being robbed blind by his so called friend. Alex, the man with Autism finds it difficult to make friends, met someone and they did things like go on holiday, hang out etc, all seems fine doesn’t it, looks like Alex has made a friend….or so he thinks because as it turned out…this man would apparently sell items to Alex at ridiculous prices and not wanting to anger his friend, Alex paid the prices….but that is only the tip of the iceberg of this abusive relationship

• Selling Alex £300 for an old stereo player (in bad shape)
• Loaned Alex £50 quid but asked for £100 in return, called it ‘mate rates’ 
• Would turn hot and cold in an instant with Alex, often appearing violent towards him
• Alex was admitted to hospital one day and it tuned out that he had given this man an estimated £2000 altogether and was pretty much broke (something he kept a secret from his family)
• The man was also calling in other debts and threatening Alex with violence if he didn’t pay

Now normally, a human being is able to get a hint if someone doesn’t appear genuine…if your good with people and have mingled with a mast majority, your pretty good at telling if someone is worth your time or not but alas, sometimes, a person does not have that experience with other people as they may not have any friends and the first sign of friendship can be a chance to not turn down. Yet this is how many people seek out targets…looking for the vulnerable, the ones sat alone in class or at work and ‘befriend’ them, NOW DON’T GET ME WRONG Many people are actually being genuine when they ask someone with Autism to be a friend….not everyone’s a d***

When I was younger, I was bad with this…I let people walk all over me and they mocked me for how I acted and I wasn’t able to tell this at first…it took a few more years before I was wise enough to tell that my so called ‘friends’ were mocking me and I was just the butt of their jokes…thankfully I haven’t spoken to any of them for over a decade and it’s been the best decade of my life…I’ve met real friends that like me for me but I can tell a bad egg a mile off nowadays, I’ve had experience and I know I would never fall for anything that Alex sadly did.

Signs of Autism are not always clear nor does a lot of people even know what it actually is…many people just see a human being who will do what they want and they exploit that because they want friends, they don’t want to be alone every day and many people abuse this new found trust and eventually shatter it! Have a think…how often have you read or heard a story about someone with Autism having something horrible happen to them because they trusted someone they called a ‘friend’?

Alex’s story is not the first I have heard of someone being taken advantage off though, I have heard many where someone with Autism is told they have a friend when in reality, they are being taken for a ride and secretly mocked all the way. It’s disgusting how some people can take an innocent person who just wants a friend in this life and destroy their confidence for amusement purposes only, it’s sickening how low some people can sink and they don’t care…it’s funny to them if they can get vulnerable people to do things to make them laugh, bully them, prank them etc

Perhaps people with Autism can be a bit trusting when it comes to what we are told by others…it can be difficult to decipher if someone is telling the truth or lying to you! Especially if reading facial expressions or tones is tricky for you! I implore everyone who reads this and has Autism to be careful when it comes to befriending someone…don’t always believe someone if you don’t feel sure about it…if something sounds too good to be true than chances are that it actually is! Don’t become paranoid and call everyone who approaches you a liar either but try to be sensible enough to not become a victim of these horrendous acts by cowards who in my mind already have a space in hell reserved for them and if you think that’s extreme…I don’t really care because for anyone to see someone who isn’t good at making friends and exploit that for personal gain or amusement is less than a person in my eyes…it’s wrong and just proves how vindictive and cruel many people actually are…we ourselves as a species to be kind hearted, faultless and powerful but are we really? How often do you see something positive in the news that outweighs the negative? A robbery, suicide by a human pushed too far, murder, terrorist attack, news that changes the world etc?

Not to sound negative but stuff like this makes me mad…you would think that people would try to help and include someone who isn’t always good at interacting at others, not take advantage of them!

Useful Stuff

People with Autism More Likely To Fall Victim To Disability Hate Crime

Being Accused of ‘Faking’ Autism, Why does it happen?

Hello everyone, today I talk about an issue that I for one don’t understand how this ever happens at all and I want to discuss it a little bit today, especially since it’s still Autism Awareness Month! Being Accused of ‘Faking’ Autism, Why does it happen?

Has anyone ever accused you of not really having Autism? That you are faking it for something like sympathy or attention? Yes or no, It does happen, quite a bit actually…you type in Being Accused of Faking Autism and you find many topics discussing it so it does happen in general daily life. Is it because Autism isn’t something that you can physically see? It is invisible so perhaps that’s why many people don’t think ‘Autism’ is a real thing. Another reason is what many interpret Autism as being, for example many people believe that people who are Autistic don’t have many to no friends and are terrible at social interaction in any shape or form.

I myself have been accused of faking Autism by someone else on the spectrum! The reason being was I had friends and a wife so I obviously couldn’t have Autism…apparently. It annoyed me a little because no matter what I said, he was having none of it, I even had people stand up for me in the discussion but he shot them down as well, it was sad because some people do think like this, people with Autism can’t have friends otherwise they don’t have it??? Can’t wrap my head around that one. No where does it specify that it’s impossible for anyone on the spectrum to make friends, get a job, get married etc just that it’s a bit of a struggle to do so.

The stereotype of having Autism is generally seen as having no friends, preferring your own company and that your very good with computers and mathematics!  Or if anyone wants to understand what Autism is, just watch Rain man! Apparently, Autism is the same with everyone who has it so if you know someone who has it and they have 0 friends, no job or love life to speak of, than no one obviously does on the spectrum, right? NOPE! It affects us all in many different ways so being accused of not having Autism by someone else on the spectrum means nothing to me, it just means that it affects us both in different ways and I feel that I have been a bit more fortunate in how things have turned out for me then he has been.

That begs the question from me at least as to why would you fake having Autism in the first place anyway? I don’t know about you but it’s not exactly something I would want to pretend to have, not at all! From my experience, having Autism isn’t exactly…fun…especially the way others perceive it, so many opportunities I feel were taken away from me in my childhood because of it, having everyone around me fail to understand what Autism really was and it affected me in a bad way! No matter how much I tried, I felt mocked and shunned by most people around me and I hated every moment of being a teenager,  a time I never want to relieve! it was a challenge every single day and at times, I didn’t think adulthood would be any better!

Sometimes though, I wonder if I would have done as well as I have if I hadn’t the motivation to prove so many people wrong because of what I have, I don’t know the answer to that but as far as I am concerned, others viewed my Autism as a giant barrier towards doing anything meaningful in this world.

Making Autism more aware and understood by all is essential because it’s so confusing at this point in time as many people just think it’s one thing where its far more then that! It doesn’t take much to confuse people, let’s face it and with this in mind, it’s no wonder some people might think that someone is faking when their Autism doesn’t match what they think they knew about it or maybe some people just can’t see someone with Autism having friends or a job. It affects everyone differently where so will have success and have a social life and some will not have had this, it’s just accepting that both of these scenarios can happen and not just one that is the problem.

My Take On Autism

What is my take on Autism? Well it’s a massive part of my life, even if I do occasionally forget I actually have it! Seriously, I can go a few weeks before I remember…it’s weird sometimes but that’s just how much it doesn’t alter my life as it once did. A long time ago when I didn’t fully understand it, it made life hard for me and I couldn’t always do the things that I wanted to do because of that. Many would assume that having Autism would be a sign that I won’t go far in life, I only have a certain amount of things I am capable of doing by myself and it’s embarrassing to know that people have thought this about me before. To be thought of as inferior for something that they were told that I had…when my school was told, I felt humiliated because I was taken out of most classes and shoved into a small group of troublemakers to learn Agriculture…I had no interest in it because it wasn’t what I wanted to do…no offence but I don’t want to learn how to drive a tractor when I know I’ll never be doing it as a career! What a waste of time! Something I will never forgive! Ever! It’s what motivates me to keep going and to prove everyone wrong!

Does It Affect My Day To Day Life?

Many people will assume that because I have Autism that a day will be complicated for me, that I won’t be doing anything like normal people do, like go to a job, spend time with friends or work on a project that matters a lot to me and many people in the past have been quite dumbstruck and shocked when it turns out I live a very ‘normal’ life. Never get why so many people look like their mind has been blown because someone with Autism acts just like they do. Ok so maybe not everyone with Autism will do that, some will fit the stereotype and for some, it only takes 1 to assume that all are the same!

Here are just some of the things I like to do on an average Day, I

• Have Breakfast
• Go To Work
• Do Household Chores
• Exercise
• See  Mates
• Go on Dates With My Wife
• Play Video Games
• Blog

Doesn’t sound that boring to me…I might not do all of those things every single day but I like to keep myself busy and to have a challenge all the time, keeps me going but no matter how much I tell people, they just say ‘But your Autistic…you can’t do any of that’ I just normally shut off the conversation because the person I’m talking too is too simple for me and just believes everything they read online, not worth my time.

All Those Assumptions!

What annoys me are the assumptions that I don’t live an interesting life, people just assume because of what I have and it irritates me because people make their mind up before they even get to know me and it’s a little unfair and not very observant for others to just decide that by themselves…bit lazy if you ask me! When I meet someone, I don’t decide what kind of person they are after two minutes, I spend time with them and learn from them what kind of person they are! A bit of effort goes a long way people!

What Many People Need

With my Autism, I feel like I’m a slow starter when it comes to interaction, well compared to other people I know and have known in the past, I’ll eventually come out of my shell and be ok with an individual such as  talk to them more and feel comfortable around them but it takes time for me to get to that stage and sadly, not everyone can wait that long but if they can and you get to that stage, you know that you have a  real good friend with you! Makes it worth it if someone always stands by you and understands that you won’t always be the life of the party, that you might need to cool off sometimes in social interactions and that you might not always want to go out to the pub to get drunk all the time, sometimes going to see a movie or having a games night can be just as fun.

What Do I Think About My Autism

When I was a teenager, it was the worst thing about me! What else do you want me to say? As a teen, I hated that I had Aspergers which was what I called it at the time! I hated myself and everyone else around me, I shut myself away for 5 years and made many mistakes during that time but over time, I learnt from my errors and spent time letting the pain change me, it got to a point where I didn’t want to feel the pain anymore, I was sick and tired of being told by family, doctors and others what I was unable to go for in my life so I told my doctors to back off and refused to see them anymore, I refused help in school and went on my own to college and I haven’t looked back since 2006. I wanted things to change and it took time but it happened, slowly but surely, I met people and made friends, I met my wife, I got good marks and got into University.

How did I suddenly turn it all around though? Simple really, I just stopped seeing my Autism as an obstacle…I mean it’s not like I can actually see it, it’s not chained to my leg and dragging me down…it’s all in my head and it can stay there if I want it to. I know not everyone can do that and remember that not everyone with Autism is the same so stop saying that we are you stereotypes out there who Google everything!

I look at myself in the mirror and I know that I have proved them all wrong because I worked at it every single day. I didn’t care what anyone else said, that I couldn’t do this or that, I ignored them and went on to succeed at it because I knew I was capable. I learnt once that you don’t always need a lover, parent, friend or teacher to be the one to motivate you to accomplish something and get somewhere in this world, sometimes all you need is your own self belief that you can go out into the world and make a difference, screw it if someone tells you that you can’t do something! That’s not arrogance, that’s confidence and I will always believe that anyone with Autism can achieve their dreams and prove their doubters wrong…no one will ever unconvince me of that. You might look at these words and think  that I have no idea what I’m talking about but if I have learnt something in this life it’s that if I want something, I have to go and get it myself, I can’t always wait for others to do it for me. I had enough people write me off and assume I’d never get married, have a job or go to University….done all three! By myself, I didn’t have help because I believed in myself and in the end, self confidence helped me a great deal and I know others need that special someone to help them be confident and you do what works for you, DO THAT! Always be grateful they are there to help you! Cherish your loved ones who love you through thick and thin!

I’ll finish here for now, thank you for reading, feel free to subscribe for more of my ramblings!

How Does Autism Affect you?

Basically, everyone will have a different opinion regarding their Autism, some people will see it as a hindrance to how they live life every single day whereas others won’t have it affect how they do things at all. If you ask ten different people with Autism what their life is like, chances that you’ll have ten very different answers is very high, how do I know this? I have at least met ten other people with Autism and not one of them are like me in great detail, sure we have minor details down to a ‘T’ but as for the rest, we are polar opposites.

I myself no longer have my life affected by my Autism or at least no where near to the extent that it once did when I was younger. So many mistakes made because I never thought anything through, didn’t care if I did anything bad, as long as I was happy that was all I cared about. Quite often, I find stories of how Autism prevents people from living a basic normal life and I always roll my eyes because I just wouldn’t ever let that happen, I couldn’t live a life where everyone else is always telling me that I couldn’t ‘cope’ without them because of my ‘Autism’  I will not be chained down by others who don’t even have Autism!

It was my constant thoughts and being paranoid about how people would see me and accept me for what I had that really messed me up as a youth, it was really bad and I had no idea how to handle things and I made many mistakes because of this. Over time though, I have learnt that everyone makes mistakes, whether you have a condition or not, people just see what we have and assume that’s why they made such a mistake in the first place. The smartest people make mistakes, the happiest people do every day! So why should I always feel down and shut myself away because of Autism? At the worst times It makes me feel lonely and isolated from everyone I care about but it passes and most of the time, I am fine…I live with my wife and have accomplished a lot in my life, because I can!

I’m afraid I will never completely understand why a lot of other people constantly put themselves down because of what they have! Sure, maybe they have a more severe case of Autism compared to what I have but when it comes to that, I have learnt that you can’t say anything like that without offending many people, even saying minor Autism can tick people off…having an opinion is tough but many people with Autism are doing wonderful things in the world like writing books and having pro-vital roles in society so if anyone tells you that you can’t ‘cope’ because of your Autism, tell them that many others can so why can’t you? It’s not impossible, people told me it was and I ignored them because if I did, I’d have never moved out of my family home or met my wife! I’d be isolated and alone.

 

It’s easy to roll over and accept it but it’s very hard to do something about it….but if it wasn’t hard then it wouldn’t be worth it! Autism is what you make of it! Sure you’ll have bad days but good days will come as well. Some days you’ll feel like you don’t have any friends or that you can’t follow your dreams but you can bypass that and go for it anyway, screw it if your terrified or feel scared, we have one life on this Earth and i’ll be dammed if I’m spending mine locked away in a bedroom playing games all day, feeling sorry for myself! I did that once…never again!

If everyone understood Autism, maybe everything would be easier for those who have it, going out and living a daily life would be such a task if others knew how much of a struggle it could actually be. I used to be scared of having any children because chances of them having Autism was always there but now If they have Autism, I will do everything I can to help them  because I know what it’s like, I understand how hard it can be to get through a day without being paranoid, without worrying about how others saw me all the time.

If school could have been easier if my teachers and other students knew what I had and didn’t think I was weird because I was scared of making friends or speaking to other people! I hope one day everything is a lot simpler and not a daunting task for people with Autism, I can imagine my childhood would have been a lot easier if others were more accepting and understanding of what I  really had.

Well it’s 2017, who knows maybe changes worldwide will happen this year, you can always hope but as for me, I often forget I have Autism nowadays, that’s because it rarely ever affects anything, my past experiences have seen to that, I got so tired of how things were that I broke through that barrier and did something about it. I know that if I hadn’t my life would be a lot different right now, I would be anywhere near as happy if I hadn’t. Long may everyone achieve their dreams and prove all doubters wrong!