Autism- Dealing With Feelings

How well are you with dealing with certain feelings? Me and feelings haven’t always been the best of friends…quite often I have been called emotionless by many people in certain situations and I never understand why…is it because I don’t sound sad or angry all of the time? Is it that important to people that I’m emotional all of the time or something? Maybe it’s a lack of understanding because I used to hear it all the time, people would call me weird because I wouldn’t react in a way that a ‘normal’ person would do so…whats a normal reaction exactly people?

Seeing as I’m talking about certain feelings or emotions….I’ll start off with the one that I feel most familiar with in recent years, not so much today but it’s still somewhat fresh in my memories of the past.

Anger

One feeling that I have a deep connection with personally is Anger…not saying that I’m an angry individual in life but if I had to chose one certain feeling that I have gone back and forth over in the past, especially in my teen years….anger and me walked hand in hand down the aisle, together!

Dealing with my anger isn’t anything new…everyone deals with anger…not just people with Autism but I feel as if its looked upon that someone with Autism struggles a little bit more. What do you think? I don’t enjoy being angry, far from it…I hate it so much because it never does anything for me, especially if it ever leads towards a Meltdown…that can get really nasty sometimes! I’ve screamed, broke things and hit people in the past…I’m not proud of it in any way and I wouldn’t do it today but I had to learn what was ok and what wasn’t somehow because I just wasn’t understanding what I was being told when I was a child. I was angry all of the time, especially after I was diagnosed, I hated the world because I felt like I was put on this planet just for a laugh..being told I would barely be able to do anything…like I was some sort of loser, without even been given a chance. I had to learn everything from scratch so yes, as I was struggling in school to even tie my shoe laces, I slowly found that as people mocked me for what I couldn’t do, Anger became more frequent and I never understood why for a long time…it was hell and it stayed that way for years!   

I don’t know about you guys but I have a tendency to think negatively and that leads to feeling angry sometimes but what I have been able to do in order to reduce how much it affects me is find something to do in order to cheer myself up, in such an event.  Whether it be go for a run or walk, play on a game that I need to complete or talk to my wife or some friends about it, I feel like I have been able to prevent a serious meltdown from occurring by dealing with the issue and not being afraid of it!

Quite often, I’ll see Facebook posts or tweets posted by people with Autism or perhaps someone posting about someone with Autism and quite often, they sound negative and I never know how to approach such discussions because I fear I’ll either get a bashful of insults by someone who doesn’t like what I have to say or I’ll lose my temper with someone and get into a Facebook war or something like that so more than likely, I won’t say anything and move on. I understand that we are all different and that we have our own stories and fights in life so I never assume that just because I can overcome something that everyone else with Autism will also be able to, maybe many can and many can’t, I don’t know but I won’t assume either, I just like to talk about my own experiences in life and share them, that’s all.

So to conclude, it’s alright to get angry…we all do but try and do something about it, what makes you angry? Sort it out if possible and you just might feel better…if you have no friends…this planet has many ways of making them? If you don’t have a job…go look for one! Never doubt yourself because your capable of more than you know…you just need to believe it!

 

Autism- Anti Social At Social Events

Welcome, today I go into always feeling anti social during social events… with my Autism, it’s automatic people! Turns itself on when I go out and see friends or when I’m at work etc It can make me feel like no one will be interested in anything I say or do…it’s true that some days are dark and lonely because of this but quite a lot, it’s all down to me because I discovered that a lot of the time, it was in fact myself that made me feel that way by casting doubt into my own mind and heart.  I’ll talk about a few moments from my past and pretty much say how I started off really bad at making friends but as I get older, I slowly begin to get better at it and why I think that is the case.

Making friends, creating memories together and going to places to meet other people, all things that we go through during our life times or in most cases at least but sometimes, that doesn’t happen for everyone, many unheard voices go through life without having ever made a single friend…sounds very unlikely when you consider the amount of people we have on this planet but it does happen! Moments in your life where you have to socialise with other people can be scary…I’ve found many moments during my life to be terrifying and most of them have been so because I didn’t do very well and would stand in a corner by myself, wishing I could just go home, wondering why I even bothered in the first place.

Despite all of my failures in being social as a child, I have had friends come and go throughout my life, up to the point that I have my lifetime friends by my side always and I know I can always have a good time with them and I feel happy around them, even having one of them as my best man and some of my other close friends as groomsmen which made me feel really happy as I never thought I would even have a friend to ask but I ended up with 4 groomsmen. I feel fortunate that I have the good friends that I have because at one point, I convinced myself that it would never happen!

It sounds like I don’t have any issues being social and truth be told, I don’t…however, it hasn’t always been that way because as I said earlier on, I struggled greatly as a child to make friends and be social…in fact when I think about it, I struggled more before I was diagnosed with Autism then afterwards…well a few years after my diagnosis I got better at it!

I started off not so bad as I had friends at my special needs school but once I left that place, I struggled to make decent friends with many people in school and often spend my times being ridiculed and alone. Not happy days for me and I didn’t even know I had Autism at this stage in my life but I had an idea that something was up as I would always do things without thinking about consequences, whether I was upsetting anyone or not…such thoughts never entered my head and was probably why my childhood wasn’t as good as it probably could have been if I was more aware of what I had at an earlier age, who knows but what happened, happened and it left me feeling negative and not wanting to go near anyone for a very long time.

Going to college though was a huge help for me as it gave a fresh new start after being a disaster at school that left a bad taste in my mouth and made me distrustful of people altogether. You would think that things would only get worse from here because of how I felt, I had pretty much given up on ever making a true friend but I was very wrong! It didn’t take long at all for me to be nice and include me in things…no time at all and that made me wonder just why school went so wrong…had I gotten lucky or something?

Throughout the next 5 years, I would make friends with many people on my courses and my confidence would continue to grow each time, up to the point that I was mostly able to forget all of the hard times in school and accept that I was just with some bad and stupid eggs that I was better away from! However, from time to time I would find myself experiencing meltdowns at awkward times and feel down that people would like me anymore because I was being weird…I began to feel down again but my friends would always bring me back and help me up…no one had ever done that before and it was an eye opener, not everyone is bad, if you can find the right people which are everywhere…anyone can make a friend! My confidence was that high, I even got a girlfriend who’s now my wife!

Eventually, I decided to take the next step, move away from home and go to University was I was terrified off as I had never lived by myself and so far away from home before, I’ll never forget that first moment once my parents drove away after dropping me off and It all clicked, I was on my own now and it was scary…I wasn’t sure if I could make the most of it all or would I crack and want to go home! That first night, I met some of my flatmates and we agreed to go to another flat for a meet and greet drinking party…I was nervous but reluctantly went along, even though I wanted to run into my room and lock the door.

I stepped into the flat kitchen later on with my flat mates and all I saw in the place was a big group of students huddled into the reasonable space which was a decent size kitchen but it contained more than 10 people! So it was a tad bit cramped which I’ll admit was my first issue with the evening, I sometimes feel scared in tight spaces…maybe I’m claustrophobic? Everyone was already drunk and playing drinking games on the counter tops and it amazed me how quick some people can make friends when they have only just met when it can take me weeks or months to feel comfortable around just one person, let alone a whole room!

I shortly made my excuses and went back to my dorm room, feeling sorry for myself but to my surprise…my roommates were…proud of me! They were happy that I at least gave going out a go and that really made things better for me, no one was disappointed or thought that I was being weird…they said we’d try again and take it step by step, I felt like at that moment, I had gone full circle…from the first time I ever went to a social event at a club in my hometown as a child, being all alone and feeling bad about it, as an adult…I was praised for at least trying, no pressure was on me and I would eventually get the hang of it, that speaks volumes for me.

I’ve had ups and downs throughout my life…I’ve liked to play it safe at times because I was to scared to take that next step for whatever reason, like how I stayed in dorms for my entire time in University because I was to scared to ask anyone if I could move in with them, it was an experience as some were good and some were really annoying but that’s life, an experience! Not everyone I met was nice but the difference here was I knew that, as a child…I was naive and didn’t see that in people…it led me to being bullied because of it yet I feel like it opened my eyes and prepared me for times like this…life is an experience, we choose whether we listen to it’s lessons or not.

I have good friends, a wife, family and I can go somewhere and have a good time….just maybe not all the time!

Like A Lost Soul

What is my place in life? Why am I here? I sometimes wonder these two questions because sometimes it feels like I get up, go to work, come home and go to bed and it becomes a routine that you can feel trapped inside off because you know you would be much worse off if you didn’t have a job to go to or a home to leave and come back to but you also want so much more from life.

Everyday you see people living a dream, doing the job they always wanted to do and you look at yourself and ask ‘What am I doing wrong?’ I went to school, got good marks and have a degree…why am I struggling so much to make myself happy?

Have you ever heard anyone say this to a child

”Do well in school or you’ll be a failure like that person!” 

I have heard two people say that to their children and you wonder what kind of example does that set for them? To make them look down at people working and earning money…just because it’s not a high paying job, they have to be looked down upon and mocked…what is this the 1800’s? Many people I’ll have you know can’t find a job or put food on the table, many collect benefits yet the ones that earn something and work for it can be mocked and made out as examples to not end up like that and it sickens me because too many people don’t know what it’s like to struggle a bit but like to moan like they do. I don’t know, it’d be nice if people didn’t feel like bragging if they or someone they know is successful or doing well in life…nothing wrong with people doing well but why make someone else feel bad if they aren’t?

However, we have no point moaning about how unfair life can be, things won’t become better that way, we have to do something about it ourselves! They say that University degrees no longer guarantee a high paying job and in the UK, doing an apprenticeship is the new way forward for the next generation…won’t leave you in high debt and no prospects, that’s for sure!

With all that said, I feel like I became a bit of a lost soul in the education system…don’t get me wrong, my grades are fine…I’d say I’m a B/C student as most of my GCSES are those marks but when I was diagnosed with Autism as a teen, it caused so much time being wasted by becoming accustomed to how I did things and having others telling me to not have much hope for the future…I couldn’t ever think about being a doctor, lawyer or anything worthwhile…my confidence was so low…I thought people wanted me to become a farmer or something…no disrespect to farmers but I don’t want to do that!

I work, earn money and can afford what I want to but I also think…what if I try to move up the ladder a little bit someday…try something new yet I always fear that marks will somewhat hold me back over experience. I’ll always write, that is something that I live for! The one thing that makes me happy, whether I succeed or fail at, I’ll keep doing it because it makes me smile.

Life’s a journey for everyone…we just all take different paths towards the end of it..I know that if I want to do better, I have to do something about it myself. I don’t like being a lost soul.

 

I’m Still A Human

Have you ever felt less of a human because of what you have? Well the answer should be no! Why would anyone feel shallow and less of a person because of Autism? It’s more like how others see you, not how you see yourself really! I have never viewed myself lesser than another person but it’s how others perceive and comment about me that brings that opinion into my sight…others have seen me as inferior because I like to be quiet from time to time and don’t always socially interact but that doesn’t make me any less of a human.

A weird feeling given by others that I might not be ‘normal’ in the eyes of others because of what I have. I have been probed and tested all because I struggle to interact with others socially and made to feel like something is wrong with me, wouldn’t that make you feel less of a human?

The amount of people that throw me aside or speak to me no more when they learn the truth…an invisible and out of sight condition that can’t harm them but they are afraid of it and it can be lonely sometimes, some hard times because of how others have reacted but I’m still a human…one with feelings, I just can’t express them as well as you can!

Believe me when I say whatever cruel words you can say to me, I can say much harsher things about myself! It’s hard to remain positive when everything’s an uphill fight but I keep going, I keep smiling because every victory in this life was earned, not given by those who felt I was incapable, I don’t give up the fight because life has always been a fight, I don’t chill and relax. What you deem as taking it easy is climbing a mountain for me, might sound dramatic but to do as well as others, I must always overcome my own self doubt and the doubt of others just to get going, let alone be successful but I’m still human, just a very paranoid one.

If one cannot interact as well as others or at all, they are deemed ‘factory broken’ and some toss them to the side. If you’ve been to school, college or university, you’ll see what I mean as interaction is a vital tool to get the most out of it all but all the talking, group activities and what not can sometimes be too much for me to handle and I would prefer my own company from time to time but not all understand this and see an issue but I am still a human.

My being on this planet is no threat to anyone, I will talk and be myself around you but don’t be afraid to approach me, I sometimes need a bit of a push in the right direction, that’s all, I seek interaction just like everyone else, don’t think I’m being rude if I’m slow about getting to the finish line!

I’m very human, I have arms, legs, eyes and a mouth. I smile, cry and get mad. I have dreams, I have goals…I never sit and moan about how unfair life is…we all are on a journey and have stories to tell but never think that I am not human because of what I have, it doesn’t define me…I define who I am and what I do….that makes me human.

Fàilte gu Dùn Èideann

Fàilte gu Dùn Èideann (Welcome to Edinburgh) The latest place I have gone on my travels and after spending nearly a week in this city, I can honestly say that I hope to go back to it someday in the future. For a 4 day holiday, we were pretty much able to see the majority of the city and to our surprise, never really ever needed to use public transport to get from A to B, everything was within walking distance so we couldn’t wait to get stuck in.

Last year was Japan and the year before that was France and after a few years of going abroad, we realised that we didn’t ever stay anywhere in our own back yard…minus London and I had never been to Ireland, Wales or Scotland before in my life and I thought that it was time to change that so after looking about at what we were more interested, it was a close call but Scotland just edged Ireland and Wales which we’ll just have to do another time down the road.

Travelling from Leeds, we went via the East Coast across the border and arriving into the capital of Scotland, Edinburgh and it was raining, wonderful start to a holiday but we were just happy to be here. We set off towards York Place where our hotel was and right away, you can see the hustle and bustle of this city as the streets were jam packed with citizens and tourists and so many buses and trams! Our place was easy to find and as we would soon discover…Edinburgh isn’t the largest city you will ever visit and we would soon learn why during our stay as we learnt quite a bit of history about this place, it has a lot to tell! Edinburgh is a very hilly place and we discovered that on our way to our accommodation as we went up and down repeatedly before passing St Andrews Square.

The next morning, we set out towards the famous landmark that was Edinburgh Castle and it looked like it would be quite the trek as it’s situated on top a mighty hillside and since we didn’t know the area so well, we weren’t so sure as to which side the path leading up was on.  We headed down Princes Street and we passed Scott Monument , dedicated to Sir Walter Scott and I was already enjoying the architecture and history of this place, every street has a story to tell so I was hopeful that I was going to enjoy every single moment I had here.

The castle can be seen from all around, it’s the center piece of the entire area by far! When we eventually arrived to the front gates, we saw a massive crowd, mostly of large tour groups piling inside so we knew we were to be in for quite the wait before we could explore inside.

Flags at half mast due to the Manchester attack the day prior

Once inside, we spent the next few hours wandering around and going from room to room, like everyone else and I’ll try to not bore you with constant pictures of everything we saw

What can I say, I take a lot of photos when I’m on holiday! The castle was a great place to visit first as we both like history, my wife and me so learning all about the castle’s long history was fascinating and well worth the entrance fee. One thing that I learnt here that opened my eyes slightly was the origins of my last name Whitehouse which apparently originated in Scotland, first found in Aberdeenshire so that was interesting although I also know it’s a well known English last name nowadays so who knows, maybe I have a Scottish Ancestor deep in my family’s past, might have to look into that.

Next we saw the 1pm gun go off which it does every single day at the same time which was pretty cool, made me jump as it went off and it must be deafening for the guard who fires it all the time to be so close…I always thought they could do it on a timer or push a button from a safer distance but I’m no expert on the matter, just an interested observer

The majority of our first day was surprisingly spent at the castle which was unusual for us as we tend to do the castle part of the holiday in the morning and spend the afternoon doing something else but this place just had so much to see and do. Everyone was friendly which made the experience much better because like Japan last year, if the people around you are friendly, the experience is just made that much better because of it and Edinburgh was no exception.

One American said something to us as we went into the war memorial that made us scratch our heads because it just sounded bizarre to us.

‘I don’t understand English, I speak American!’ – Tourist Can someone explain that one to me??

The dungeons were awesome as well but too dark for any photos but quite spooky which is what you should feel when you step into a place where people once suffered. If I lived in this city, I’d feel pretty proud to have this gem to look at everyday, it just looks so cool on the rock, overlooking everything in the distance like Fife and Arthur’s Seat.

We made our way out of the Castle and after looking about some gift shops and seeing a ton of Cashmere, we decided to go for a little hike up Arthur’s Seat but I’ll talk about that next time.

Hope you enjoyed!

 

My Take On Autism

What is my take on Autism? Well it’s a massive part of my life, even if I do occasionally forget I actually have it! Seriously, I can go a few weeks before I remember…it’s weird sometimes but that’s just how much it doesn’t alter my life as it once did. A long time ago when I didn’t fully understand it, it made life hard for me and I couldn’t always do the things that I wanted to do because of that. Many would assume that having Autism would be a sign that I won’t go far in life, I only have a certain amount of things I am capable of doing by myself and it’s embarrassing to know that people have thought this about me before. To be thought of as inferior for something that they were told that I had…when my school was told, I felt humiliated because I was taken out of most classes and shoved into a small group of troublemakers to learn Agriculture…I had no interest in it because it wasn’t what I wanted to do…no offence but I don’t want to learn how to drive a tractor when I know I’ll never be doing it as a career! What a waste of time! Something I will never forgive! Ever! It’s what motivates me to keep going and to prove everyone wrong!

Does It Affect My Day To Day Life?

Many people will assume that because I have Autism that a day will be complicated for me, that I won’t be doing anything like normal people do, like go to a job, spend time with friends or work on a project that matters a lot to me and many people in the past have been quite dumbstruck and shocked when it turns out I live a very ‘normal’ life. Never get why so many people look like their mind has been blown because someone with Autism acts just like they do. Ok so maybe not everyone with Autism will do that, some will fit the stereotype and for some, it only takes 1 to assume that all are the same!

Here are just some of the things I like to do on an average Day, I

• Have Breakfast
• Go To Work
• Do Household Chores
• Exercise
• See  Mates
• Go on Dates With My Wife
• Play Video Games
• Blog

Doesn’t sound that boring to me…I might not do all of those things every single day but I like to keep myself busy and to have a challenge all the time, keeps me going but no matter how much I tell people, they just say ‘But your Autistic…you can’t do any of that’ I just normally shut off the conversation because the person I’m talking too is too simple for me and just believes everything they read online, not worth my time.

All Those Assumptions!

What annoys me are the assumptions that I don’t live an interesting life, people just assume because of what I have and it irritates me because people make their mind up before they even get to know me and it’s a little unfair and not very observant for others to just decide that by themselves…bit lazy if you ask me! When I meet someone, I don’t decide what kind of person they are after two minutes, I spend time with them and learn from them what kind of person they are! A bit of effort goes a long way people!

What Many People Need

With my Autism, I feel like I’m a slow starter when it comes to interaction, well compared to other people I know and have known in the past, I’ll eventually come out of my shell and be ok with an individual such as  talk to them more and feel comfortable around them but it takes time for me to get to that stage and sadly, not everyone can wait that long but if they can and you get to that stage, you know that you have a  real good friend with you! Makes it worth it if someone always stands by you and understands that you won’t always be the life of the party, that you might need to cool off sometimes in social interactions and that you might not always want to go out to the pub to get drunk all the time, sometimes going to see a movie or having a games night can be just as fun.

What Do I Think About My Autism

When I was a teenager, it was the worst thing about me! What else do you want me to say? As a teen, I hated that I had Aspergers which was what I called it at the time! I hated myself and everyone else around me, I shut myself away for 5 years and made many mistakes during that time but over time, I learnt from my errors and spent time letting the pain change me, it got to a point where I didn’t want to feel the pain anymore, I was sick and tired of being told by family, doctors and others what I was unable to go for in my life so I told my doctors to back off and refused to see them anymore, I refused help in school and went on my own to college and I haven’t looked back since 2006. I wanted things to change and it took time but it happened, slowly but surely, I met people and made friends, I met my wife, I got good marks and got into University.

How did I suddenly turn it all around though? Simple really, I just stopped seeing my Autism as an obstacle…I mean it’s not like I can actually see it, it’s not chained to my leg and dragging me down…it’s all in my head and it can stay there if I want it to. I know not everyone can do that and remember that not everyone with Autism is the same so stop saying that we are you stereotypes out there who Google everything!

I look at myself in the mirror and I know that I have proved them all wrong because I worked at it every single day. I didn’t care what anyone else said, that I couldn’t do this or that, I ignored them and went on to succeed at it because I knew I was capable. I learnt once that you don’t always need a lover, parent, friend or teacher to be the one to motivate you to accomplish something and get somewhere in this world, sometimes all you need is your own self belief that you can go out into the world and make a difference, screw it if someone tells you that you can’t do something! That’s not arrogance, that’s confidence and I will always believe that anyone with Autism can achieve their dreams and prove their doubters wrong…no one will ever unconvince me of that. You might look at these words and think  that I have no idea what I’m talking about but if I have learnt something in this life it’s that if I want something, I have to go and get it myself, I can’t always wait for others to do it for me. I had enough people write me off and assume I’d never get married, have a job or go to University….done all three! By myself, I didn’t have help because I believed in myself and in the end, self confidence helped me a great deal and I know others need that special someone to help them be confident and you do what works for you, DO THAT! Always be grateful they are there to help you! Cherish your loved ones who love you through thick and thin!

I’ll finish here for now, thank you for reading, feel free to subscribe for more of my ramblings!

Autism- 10 Things To Not Say

• Can’t you get cured? 

  No! Just no! This is a line that I just can’t stand anyone who says this to me in person or online. Why would you possibly think that this is ok? Autism isn’t something that needs curing because it isn’t a disease! If you look at a child with Autism, you wouldn’t think it was disease ridden, would you? No…anyone with a bit of decency about them would want to make that child comfortable and happy, or I hope so at least but when they become an adult, things just feel different….no passion or compassion from anyone, your look upon as a nuisance because apparently for some ‘Autism’ is an excuse for gaining attention. Once or twice, I have been asked if I ever want to have my Autism cured so I  can be more social and I was just annoyed every single time. No one with Autism wants a cure because nothing needs to be cured…what we want is understanding and a bit of compassion here and there! Really wish stupidity can be cured…I mean, did you see 2016 Planet Earth….If anything needs cured….it’s that!

• Vaccines cause Autism

  Why oh why do I see this on my news feed most days, like it’s being forced down my throat, it’s annoying…really annoying so can people just stop getting so worked up and obsessed over something that isn’t proven to be a fact, it’s just speculation yet I see mass wars break out online over the topic all the time. What is the point of this argument if it won’t ever have a conclusion to satisfy everyone? I know that’s clearly wishful thinking but I think it’s clear that anyone with Autism will automatically shut this one down so NEVER say this one….seriously, don’t! It’s not worth the backlash and to be fair, even if it was ever proven….it would never be accepted and I’m not surprised either…Vaccines prevent some pretty nasty illnesses like Mumps so why would you not have a vaccination?

  God must hate you!

  I’ve had this one three times and I find it quite hurtful because I am made to feel bad for being given Autism by what I assume is God (I’m an Atheist by the way) But to be told that God must hate me so he gave me Autism, imagine being told by a stranger that! Not very nice, is it! I know that the Internet is a very dark and evil place where people say bad things everyday for no reason and all but to be told that the creator hates you so he made it hard for you to make friends can be devastating if your very touchy and insecure. For me, I brush it off but I can imagine that some people would take that comment to heart and that’s a shame if you ask me.  It’s like an intimidation factor because of the god and hell thing…Not a suggestion but why on Earth does it matter if someone doesn’t believe in God or any kind of deity? It’s a choice but to be told that one gave me Autism because of a belief, it’s uncalled for and over the line in my opinion.

• Are you Retarded?

This word is often used as a term for hatred for anyone with a disability and in my books is one of the worst words you can use to describe another human being! Just imagine being called this word because of what you have….This has ruined my day sometimes just because it sounds nasty, it can’t really be said by accident really, if this word is said, it’s on purpose and it’s meant.  Please do not use this word to insult ANYONE it’s just a bad word that I find dehumanizing and insulting!

• What Medication do you take?

Oh I see, because you think I’m ill, I need some sort of medication to help myself get better, right? I hear about many people in America being put on some kind of medication and from my understanding, it’s a personal matter. One, why would you ask someone if they were on medication for anything? I wouldn’t be shocked if I asked you that question and you got angry about it! Like the rest of the human race for stating an opinion!  Some take medication for various reasons but I personally don’t need to but even if I did, would it really make a difference to you and your life? Will you not be able to sleep at night without knowing the answer? If someone tells you that they do or don’t fair enough but if you bring the topic up, I find that it would be quite rude because why would you even need to know? I’ll just pry into your health and ask you many personal questions that you might not want everyone to know and see how you feel.

• You’re not Autistic, you have friends and are married, How? 

I don’t even want to dignify this stupid one with an answer because WHAT DOES BEING AUTISTIC HAVE TO DO WITH IT? Tell me people, how does it prevent you from living life at all? Give me an intelligent answer….you can’t? That’s because anyone with Autism can make a friend, meet someone and get married…ok maybe some won’t get to do all of that but it’s insulting to assume that everyone with Autism will not be able to do all of that…I mean not everyone who doesn’t have Autism will have friends or get married, I’m sure you can be a loner and have no mental health issues you know. It just seems that we have to label everything, you can’t just be normal and not succeed…there has to be a reason for it!

• Prove It

• Can You Have Sex?

Wouldn’t you like to know? Seriously though yes, quite easily actually….I have a wife! Why do we all assume that everyone with something is exactly the same? Many people with Autism can have sex…of course they can…last time I checked they had the genitalia required for it like everyone else but I get that some might assume that some people with Autism could easily be taken advantage of and abused in this way probably by some heartless monsters because…seriously we are cruel creatures (Humans) to other species and ourselves…weird but whatever. What on Earth makes you think that someone with Autism can’t have sex….if they have the tool, it is possible…same goes for everyone else.

• Can You have Children? 

This one has nothing to do with being Autistic! I assume that I can, I have the tools in order to make one but I have never tried to make one before….for all I know I might not be able to for some reason, I’ll know when the time comes but I assume that yes I can as can anyone with Autism because thinking that we can’t is very stupid. Why are these even sayings said by many people? Read a book or look Autism up online people, it’s 2017, what’s your excuse in this day and age for not knowing about something that your curious about?

• I had no Idea you were Autistic, you show no signs

Ok…what signs are you looking for? Ok so with some people it might be obvious but with many we have no signs on us…I’m not going to stick a label on my forehead to let you know, I really don’t want to make it obvious or I’d have to deal with all of these stupid questions from all of you…nothing like a good old stereotype! Am I acting too normal for you or something? Should I not speak to anyone and sit by myself for you to go ‘that’s more like it?’ Everyone with Autism are different in many ways. For some, it’ll be obvious and for others, you won’t have a clue and for the majority of people, this is just too confusing as apparently, we all have to act the same to make it easier for everyone else…I worry about the human race sometimes.

How Does Autism Affect you?

Basically, everyone will have a different opinion regarding their Autism, some people will see it as a hindrance to how they live life every single day whereas others won’t have it affect how they do things at all. If you ask ten different people with Autism what their life is like, chances that you’ll have ten very different answers is very high, how do I know this? I have at least met ten other people with Autism and not one of them are like me in great detail, sure we have minor details down to a ‘T’ but as for the rest, we are polar opposites.

I myself no longer have my life affected by my Autism or at least no where near to the extent that it once did when I was younger. So many mistakes made because I never thought anything through, didn’t care if I did anything bad, as long as I was happy that was all I cared about. Quite often, I find stories of how Autism prevents people from living a basic normal life and I always roll my eyes because I just wouldn’t ever let that happen, I couldn’t live a life where everyone else is always telling me that I couldn’t ‘cope’ without them because of my ‘Autism’  I will not be chained down by others who don’t even have Autism!

It was my constant thoughts and being paranoid about how people would see me and accept me for what I had that really messed me up as a youth, it was really bad and I had no idea how to handle things and I made many mistakes because of this. Over time though, I have learnt that everyone makes mistakes, whether you have a condition or not, people just see what we have and assume that’s why they made such a mistake in the first place. The smartest people make mistakes, the happiest people do every day! So why should I always feel down and shut myself away because of Autism? At the worst times It makes me feel lonely and isolated from everyone I care about but it passes and most of the time, I am fine…I live with my wife and have accomplished a lot in my life, because I can!

I’m afraid I will never completely understand why a lot of other people constantly put themselves down because of what they have! Sure, maybe they have a more severe case of Autism compared to what I have but when it comes to that, I have learnt that you can’t say anything like that without offending many people, even saying minor Autism can tick people off…having an opinion is tough but many people with Autism are doing wonderful things in the world like writing books and having pro-vital roles in society so if anyone tells you that you can’t ‘cope’ because of your Autism, tell them that many others can so why can’t you? It’s not impossible, people told me it was and I ignored them because if I did, I’d have never moved out of my family home or met my wife! I’d be isolated and alone.

 

It’s easy to roll over and accept it but it’s very hard to do something about it….but if it wasn’t hard then it wouldn’t be worth it! Autism is what you make of it! Sure you’ll have bad days but good days will come as well. Some days you’ll feel like you don’t have any friends or that you can’t follow your dreams but you can bypass that and go for it anyway, screw it if your terrified or feel scared, we have one life on this Earth and i’ll be dammed if I’m spending mine locked away in a bedroom playing games all day, feeling sorry for myself! I did that once…never again!

If everyone understood Autism, maybe everything would be easier for those who have it, going out and living a daily life would be such a task if others knew how much of a struggle it could actually be. I used to be scared of having any children because chances of them having Autism was always there but now If they have Autism, I will do everything I can to help them  because I know what it’s like, I understand how hard it can be to get through a day without being paranoid, without worrying about how others saw me all the time.

If school could have been easier if my teachers and other students knew what I had and didn’t think I was weird because I was scared of making friends or speaking to other people! I hope one day everything is a lot simpler and not a daunting task for people with Autism, I can imagine my childhood would have been a lot easier if others were more accepting and understanding of what I  really had.

Well it’s 2017, who knows maybe changes worldwide will happen this year, you can always hope but as for me, I often forget I have Autism nowadays, that’s because it rarely ever affects anything, my past experiences have seen to that, I got so tired of how things were that I broke through that barrier and did something about it. I know that if I hadn’t my life would be a lot different right now, I would be anywhere near as happy if I hadn’t. Long may everyone achieve their dreams and prove all doubters wrong!

Have You Gone A Day Without Talking?

Have you ever gone an entire day without talking to a single individual before? A whole 24 hours without saying one word? It sounds unlikely because it’s such a long time to go by and unless your in the middle of a desert or stranded on an island in the middle of nowhere, it sounds like something that just wouldn’t happen…yet it does, often!

I remember once spending one entire day in my dorm flat and didn’t speak to anyone all day! I laid in bed, did some work and played computer games all day, I never stepped outside and what was that like? It was strange because the day dragged on, I felt alone and it was a little bit depressing because it had never happened before since the day I first uttered a word on this planet. To not say a single word for so long…you can feel really invisible to the world, like you don’t matter yet you only have to go outside that door and speak to someone, make a phone call and it all goes away but sometimes, you just can’t find the strength to do so! It can happen to the best of us sometimes, no one is perfect, no matter how many friends you have.

To be fair, on that day I was very busy with a big project in University so I was often by myself as it was writing a script so it takes me away from society for long periods of time, I was often up til 3am every night at the University’s library!  Before I continue, I’ll say that I do have friends, family and a wife so I’m not a lonely individual but I have known many who still are today and many assume because I have Autism that I am quite lonely, that one always makes me smile! Most people can’t even tell I have Autism….unless I ever told them so I wonder why I should ever bother worrying about it if no one can ever see it.

Have you ever been in a room full of people yet felt completely alone and isolated? If your someone who prefers to be alone anyway then this wouldn’t really matter to you, you can continue sitting their and have yourself a good day but if your someone who strives to make friends or already have them, a situation might have happened in your life where you can go quite a while without speaking to anyone at all. One example of this can be in a classroom wherever you be at school, college or university, you might wonder why you were so quiet and why you never spoke to anyone.

I have had this happen many times! It’s a weird situation because you feel that since you have so many people around you that you’ll surely end up talking to somebody! Yet it doesn’t always work out like that, I can honestly say that at least once I have sat in a massive group of people and not said a single word! I’ll admit that I could have made an effort to start a conversation but haven’t you always wondered if someone would come up and want to speak to you? You ask if something is wrong with you, have you done something to deserve it or something….chances are it’s all in your head and your negative thoughts are just adding fuel to the fire but it’s better to try and start a conversation and be shot down then sit their in silence and give the wrong message to everyone around you.

I have given it a try for an experiment once, to sit there and not speak to anymore and see what happens and I can say that sometimes, someone will start a conversation with you and sometimes they won’t and it’s strange to feel invisible in an ocean of people, like I’m a ghost and don’t exist but often wonder why that is? Maybe I look unapproachable, maybe I should bring a mirror with me at all time so I can see what I look like when I’m sat down.

Because of my Autism though, I may tend to overthink this topic and always assume I’m doing everything wrong without actually trying something new because my brain will tell me to not even attempt and it’s hard to turn it off! It doesn’t have an off switch, how I wish it did! I might feel a little bit braver in this area if I could go in without any negative thoughts to start off with. It can be hard if other people around me have no idea that I am unlikely to start a conversation with them because I’m to scared to, chances are they will assume I have no interest in speaking with them or that I don’t like them or something…how wrong that is but I would have to be beyond happy to be able to ever tell them that without any help.

I recall certain times where I would be in a rehearsal room with the entire year inside of it and everyone is chatting away in their groups yet sometimes I felt isolated because of my lack of ability to connect with people at such at rate that is deemed normal by society, seriously, they say groups of friends are made by the end of the first term! I never really understood that at all as you should be able to make friends at any time during your education…things shouldn’t be set in stone after a month or so! I know this isn’t completely true in all cases but for some, they make friends in term one and that’s all they need, everyone else is basically an acquaintance or someone you just say hi to every now and then.

Always remember that it takes two to tango so it takes two people to have a conversation…sometimes it has to be you to start procedures which isn’t always the easiest thing to do, it can be nerve wrecking for many to do that, approach someone and introduce yourself to them, fearing rejection and humiliation in the process. You only have one life, might as well make a noise and be noticed!

Feeling Anti-Social Isn’t A Bad Thing

Introduction 

Warning- These are just my opinions

I write this blog as someone with Autism, I know what it feels like to feel alone sometimes and to feel down and worthless about it, like I’m the problem or something. At the age of 26, I feel like I have accomplished more than I was expected to do many others growing up and it’s a good feeling but the constant thoughts of self doubt and the times where I felt like I was going to be a constant loner my entire life. I honestly felt like no one would ever be my friend growing up because I was dealing with a lot of stuff that I didn’t understand which turned out to be my Autism in the end.

It hit home hard as I didn’t take the news well at all. I completely shut myself away from society for a few years and just became depressed, I was unmotivated in my future and just flopped at everything, even my GCSES which I had to re do in college a couple of years after I left school.

Next I would go onto to College and turn things around as I was able to make good friends who I still know and even met my now wife! Got good qualifications and was able to get into a nearby University where I got my degree. I don’t think that’s bad after being in such a hole for so long, hating myself and everyone else for how I was, something that was out of my control and to be honest would rather not have…takes a lot out of me to not over worry over the smallest of things on a daily basis, no wonder I’m often feeling sleepy but then again, I do have Gilbert’s Syndrome as well.

I did a lot of things I didn’t understand as a child that others found to be odd, like talk to myself and prefer spending time to myself because as I grew, I found myself becoming scared of interaction with other people. It felt like a pressure of some kind when I had to talk to others for a lengthy amount of time, I felt quite breathless actually, like I was going to pass out or I was worrying so much that I was going to say something bad and be alone again, I just one day decided that it wasn’t worth the risk and often spend my time by myself. Only problem with that was I got to comfortable doing that and as a result, struggled even more later on to try and make new friends and escape my bubble.

After School, College and University, I often reflect how social I was during all of it and what I could have done better. It’s not always the best thing to do but when you have the memory of an elephant, you can and maybe learn something for life down the road. Was I social? Kind of really, I mean I had friends, don’t get me wrong and I went out and socialized but perhaps not to what is considered  ‘normal’ I maybe it was a couple of times a week or two weeks and I had to try to convince myself to even want to join a society in University or talk to a class mate because 9/10 I would want to back out and remain by myself because I felt safer….lonely but safe.

So for me, I like being social and enjoy seeing friends from time to time but still like time to myself as well, I like both ways and can appreciate both positives and negatives for each and I view all of this as simply….well you can do what you want…if you like spending time with friends, keep doing so but don’t make others feel bad if they don’t want to as often as you do. If we were all a little less judgmental than maybe the world would be a little less of a terrible place because personally, I think we are very judgmental and like to comment on other people’s opinions, ideas or stories if we don’t agree and making the teller feel awful for it which makes it very unsurprising as to why many don’t want to spend time with others because we have now become a society where an opinion is pretty much a bad thing….thanks internet.

Is it bad to prefer ‘me’ time? 

Spending time with friends….it’s something that we all want to do, even if your an introvert…you do enjoy it from time to time. Some people who read this may not have even had a single friend in their life or aren’t good at keeping them, others will have many friends and are very social which is great as well.

I’ll be honest, from time to time I do enjoy having time to myself, it’s nice to be able to do something that I enjoy without the pressure of having to do something that someone else wants or you are doing something you like to do but not in the way that you would do it. I’m someone who likes to do things my way and can sometimes struggle to do things ‘other’ peoples ways all the time which was a reason why I struggled at University because of all the group activities and the constant pressures to interact with people because everyone else around you was doing it!

Last year I had Game nights with a group of my friends and apart from feeling nervous as to whether they actually like me or not, It was fun but it was also quite draining for me, I mean by night four I was wishing for them to stop! Not because I didn’t want to attend or anything but I would always feel very emotionally drained by the end of them every single time because I feel like I have to go into overtime quite a lot with keeping calm and not overthinking absolutely everything, like as I said before…convincing myself that my friends don’t like me that much, even though I have no evidence to back this up, yet it keeps happening to me all the time.

Is it ok to enjoy spending time to myself sometimes though? Do people like doing something by themselves or are we in a society where it is looked down upon if you don’t often spend time with other people? I think it is not a bad thing to be ‘anti-social’ from time to time, don’t get me wrong, I enjoy spending time with my friends and making new friends as well but, I mean it’s ok to have ‘me’ time sometimes and you don’t have to spend time with your friends all the time. I know they are there for me and if I needed anything like advice or time to kill, they would arrange something with me.

We have Facebook where you can see everyone interacting with one another daily and we live in a world where you can reach a friend or get a lover so easily with the click of a mouse, it’s easier than ever to make a friend if you really want it…compared to the 90’s yet you can still find many people who haven’t a friend in the world or even if they do, don’t often spend time with them and many see this as a problem. It’s like they think people who don’t always see mates as anti social or rude but quite often, their is more to what we can’t see.

Why?

I often ask myself why I prefer to spend time by myself, even though I have a wife and friends…why would I prefer to be by myself, even though I find myself quite fortunate to be in this situation? Sometimes I need to unwind and calm myself because life can get on top of me sometimes, everything can take a lot out of me, more than I think people realise and it requires me to just do something relaxing like go for a walk or jog, watch a good movie or play some games until I’ve rested enough.

Often if I don’t do this, I can have a ‘meltdown’ and it’s not fun because I feel very angry all the time and it takes a while to calm down afterwards and I honestly don’t see the point of getting to this point because it does nothing except make me look like a guy with anger issues.

So to finish off, We have a world where everything is judged….mostly negatively because we can all hide behind a screen and say what we actually feel…it’s called trolling…and in this day and age, people all over the world can see what you write and say online….every week videos of kids being beaten up by gangs or animals being killed by youths for fun appear on websites and it’s disturbing. As well, we can see how many friends everyone has and what they get up to all the time but you can even find Introvert pages where people express how much they enjoy being by themselves. If I was to know that this was how the world was going to be 10 years ago…I’d have panicked because nothing is really that private anymore, everything is judged and flaws are frowned upon because….well let’s face it…we suck as a species…I mean we often mock ourselves for the stupidest of reasons and have the dumbest reasons for the things we do quite often yet if we comment on them, we get mocked….makes perfect sense.

So basically you can speak your mind, just expect to offend someone for having your opinion. You can have friends but be judged because you don’t have as many as someone else on your Facebook Page and you can enjoy time by yourself but you’ll likely be mocked and called a loner for it.

Imagine the world 10 years from now….I shudder.