A Little Reflection

2017 has been a rocky year for me, to say the least…full of it’s ups and downs but I will look forward to putting this one behind me and moving on to 2018. I haven’t been able to do much writing this year which is disappointing for me! Life has gotten on top of me really at times, to the point that you just wonder why life is worth continuing on with! I’m not depressed or anything in that way, I will admit that 2 deaths in my family has somewhat changed my way of life, amongst other things but I believe that things will turn around and I’ll make sure that it does by working harder and by writing more because that brings out the best in me.

2017 for the world has been a very stressful one, am I the only one who is already fed up with Brexit?! I voted remain but now would rather just get on with it, life goes on but everyday you hear about more issues relating to it and that we must look like fools on the world stage…treating the whole ordeal like a divorce, the EU wants money and to keep control….so what was the point of this whole separation if nothing will really change? Not really one for politics but I continue to live as normal, not really paying attention to the whole situation….in or out, France can still be seen from the Dover Cliffs, they will always be our neighbours and I’ll never stop wanting to visit our brothers and sisters on the continent!

However, the most common place that is always in the news is America! I’ll say it and I don’t care but America….WTF?! Your gun laws make no sense…everyone is entitled to bear arms because of the 2nd amendment?? Isn’t that the same document that has been altered and changed many times through the last hundred or so years? So tell me why the rules for gun control can’t be changed as year…I mean it literally makes no sense, over 13,000 killed by guns in 2015! Whereas in Britain….about 50-60 people! I only ever see guns after a terrorist incident forces danger levels up and the police are forced to carry them around for a while! Apart from that, I never see them and I’m glad of that…who would feel safe, knowing that most people around you might be packing a killing machine in a car, jean pocket or in your face? Every couple of weeks or so, you see on the news that a mass shooting has occurred and more innocent people die because someone got a little angry one day and decided to shoot someone over it?

What justifies so many guns? To look tough? Keep loved ones safe? I’m not saying ban guns altogether but why does it seem so easy to get one and why can so many people access them? I mean I can’t go to my nearest supermarket and buy one?! At least make the process of getting a weapon much harder and why has your president just made it legal for Mentally Ill people to get a hold of them? Things change for a reason…no offence America but you’ve been a country for about 300 so years…much younger than the rest of us and we’ve all had experiences and made changes to our laws because it makes sense! It’s hard to obtain guns over here because it would be beyond stupid to make it easy…do you know what happens when it’s not that hard to buy a machine gun which isn’t legal yet some people still get a hold of them?

Shootings, people dying for no reason! Where does common sense come in here…I mean I have Autism and in America would probably be put on some kind of medication for it but even when I’m angry or mad…I can’t just grab an automated weapon and gun someone down…I go for a walk or talk to a friend or family member and calm down! Yet a guy can obtain weapons and go to a hotel in Las Vegas and kill over 50 people! I mean this year alone, America has had over 300 shootings! Almost one a day! Let that sink in for a moment…I imagine the morning conversations in Europe and America being quite different.

Europe

Mum: Your in big trouble when you come home tonight

America

Mum: Your in big trouble…if you come home tonight

The worst bit about it all is how many Americans DEFEND their gun laws! They have a right to them and will never part with them…I mean with 2018 coming up, will anything really change….I would like to think so, that even America, the most stubborn country sometimes….will wake up and see that all these deaths caused by a lunatic wielding a gun could have been prevented…if they just make it harder, not easier to obtain a gun and not just any guns….the automatics, rifles, machine guns etc What sane person needs a machine gun? I mean I read somewhere that the more mass shootings, the more people go out and buy more guns! Got to protect yourself from that nutter Billy down the block!

People die in other ways as well, diseases…car accidents….yet cars serve the purpose of transportation…the only service a gun should serve is protection…..yet how many people actually use them just in case the house gets robbed or a life threatening situation? At least one shooting a day people!

 ”The ONLY thing that will stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.” Donald Trump

Constant jabs and insults tossed about the world, mostly between America and North Korea! Missile tests, threats of annihilation…what is the human race at the moment? It’s like we’ve all lost the plot since the millennium began! All sense went out of the window and we get that bit more crazier each time a new year comes around! Can Earth just calm down a little bit before something serious happens, something that we can’t come back from? Maybe make it so you can’t go to your local Walmart and purchase a killing machine…stricter background checks maybe…especially at gun shows where they don’t even do them apparently! A bit of common sense wouldn’t go a miss! Just make the process a bit more reasonable and not like doing a spelling test, most can do! Most of the world learned from mistakes involving guns and changed rules to make it better…why is it so hard for you to do the same?

The way we are going, it won’t be robots, aliens, religious event or other worldly thing to wipe out the human race…we’re good at making things go extinct…does that include ourselves though? Wouldn’t shock me!

I Feel Hurt With Life

Life is a strange thing indeed! It can involve so many up and down moments for us all and each one can be so unique and be a little different, even if something similar has happened prior but for me, a recent event or I should say a couple of similar events have occurred in my life over the summer that have somewhat brought me down, to a point I felt I would never return to.

I always find something that takes me away from the keyboard so far this summer 2017. It’s hard enough when you lose 1 family member but 2 in the space of a week? August 2017 was a horrible month for me and my 1st Wedding Anniversary was in that month! That was a diamond in the rough compared to the other 30 days! The two passing’s just make that month one of the worst I have ever had…the last time I felt so down was when I was diagnosed with Autism!

I’ve been down before with life and sometimes, I just couldn’t be bothered to write any blogs or anything for a while if it upsets me to a certain point that I can’t concentrate enough anymore…not so much in fact…I had a few days off work because of this one, I couldn’t cope with anything! Granted that they both made it to good ages, 86 and 93…it still hurts that one minute, they are here…the next they are gone! Someone you’ll never speak to or see ever again…only have pictures and memories to remember them by.

I wasn’t there when my grandfather died but I was in town when I was told that my grandmother had passed away in her sleep and I just knew that I had to go around…I have no idea why I would want to…I mean it’s not an easy thing to do but I felt bad that I had never been able to properly say ‘goodbye’ to someone close to me…I didn’t want to let this slip by…it’s a time I’ll never be able to forget but to be honest…I don’t think I want to forget it…no one made me go and see her, I chose to do it because of everything she has ever done for me, I want to at least thank her and say a proper farewell.

I have struggled to speak my mind to anyone over this or feel like I can ask about how others are dealing with this as well…I feel so helpless and useless as a grandson because I feel blank…I can’t do anything productive or helpful as of right now and maybe a bit of time to come to terms is needed.

I didn’t always cry either time…I felt sadness but I’m not so sure I was able to express it completely, like I would have preferred to. I have always found it hard to cry when something upsetting happens but this time…I cried more on the day that my grandparents died than the actual funerals or the last goodbyes! It can be mentally draining to come to terms with death, I sometimes still don’t understand it…so many questions regarding what happens to a person once they are no more…and with me, if I don’t know something, it drives me nuts so death is a tough one because I have to convince myself that they have gone to a better place…even though I’ll always think what if scenarios…because I can’t help myself.

It’s been a hard time recently because one death is tough enough to get over but 2! I’ve never had to deal with this sort of thing before…sure I’ve had death in the family before but not so much at once! I just feel so much pain right now…something about death just gets to me…changes me and I can’t stand it at all…I just only hope that with time, my wounds become healed and I can move on with life once more.

Rest In Peace Edna and James

Autism- Dylann Roof Would Rather Die Than Have An Autism Diagnosis Made Public!

Warning- Sensitive Subject

Hello…can’t believe I found this story but it made me mad enough that I had to write something! Being from Britain, don’t be completely surprised if I have not ever heard of this individual that much or be completely aware of what he has done! Is what I was going to say before his name began to ring a bell and I began to remember but just to be sure, I did some research into what crime he committed before I wrote this ( I googled him) and the hint of what I got was that he is a mass murderer and a white supremacist, convicted of the Charleston Shooting in 2015…yeah and as I read more about it, the more mad I became!

The headline states that Dylann reportedly said to the judge that he would rather die than have an Autism Diagnosis made public or it could ‘discredit his crime’ Ok…for me anyway, I could care if you have Autism or not…your a monster! I’d spend less time worrying about people blaming this on your possible Autism and more on the fact that your a stain on society, that your a massive racist because that’s still a thing apparently in 2017…for some reason and that if the justice system doesn’t fail, you’ll never set foot on our streets ever again! Although I read he was getting the Death Penalty for his crimes and while I’m not the biggest fan of the Death Penalty…I do not believe that Dylann would ever change and I’ve heard of too many tales of criminals being released, only to do it again.

After everything that this evil has done…all he is bothered about is people focusing on the fact that he might have Autism, rather than the actual crime itself… or as he said…

‘Because once you’ve got that label, there is no point in living anyway. You see what I am saying?‘ – Roof. D

This attitude about having Autism is the worst…no point in living because of the label? it’s better to have murdered people and not have Autism?? With or without Autism…you’ll be remembered as a heinous devil who tried to start a race war because your a white supremacist…your opinions are outdated and sad! A disturbed individual who obviously has a shady past…he was determined to keep his family history a secret and is rather paranoid as well, hiding his forehead from sight…you know, you’d think you would have more to worry about during a trial for your life than people’s opinion on your big forehead or the fact that you might have Autism…even if you have Autistic Traits, it doesn’t make you a killer…I have Autism and I don’t feel like doing something that stupid… I know people who have Autism, they are all normal people who live life to the fullest…people like to blame crimes like this on mental health issues…it’s too easy to say, they had Autism or were Bi Polar…AD/HD etc everything has a label…is it so hard to just say that this guy was evil…why would it matter if he had Autism?!

If I was a parent of a murdered kid and I found out that the murderer was Autistic, I wouldn’t care…MY CHILD WOULD BE DEAD! Does the killer’s mental health change anything? No! Lots of people have Autism, I’m not going to assume they are all murderers because of one person, that’s stupid! People like him are still out in the world…in 2017, we still deal with Racism, Sexism amongst many other things that you’d assume would all be sorted 50 years ago, if not 100!

Point being, this disturbed individual was more bothered about people discrediting his crime because he may or may not have Autism…I’m sure the families of the murdered will really be that bothered about that…not focused on the racism or the fact that you killed 9 people and have shown no remorse for it…spending all your time demanding a federal trial so people couldn’t see your big forehead but no, the fact that possibly having Autism might discredit your work, that is the important thing in all of this! F*** sake!

No remorse, delusional, paranoid and stupid dreams of being governor of South Carolina! All I can say is that I am deeply disturbed…just by looking up who this person was…I really wish I hadn’t now…this is a different kind of evil…an evil that wanted to start a war, had no remorse and would easily do it again, that much is obvious! Yet the headline of this article that I have read was that a mass murderer was paranoid about people possibly finding out that he may or may not have Autism because he doesn’t want anything to take away from what he did.

This isn’t the Middle Ages people, you’d think that in 2017…we’d be a little smarter to always assume it’s because of a mental illness that someone kills…sometimes…people just do it without it…some people are just insane!

I’m embarrassed that he is the same species as me…I feel sick that someone can become like this…who says monsters only exist in stories! What ever your beliefs are in this world, nothing can excuse or praise a person who clearly doesn’t care, is still trying to dictate what can be said or not said and not shown or said.

Tell you what, to finish off here, I’ll diagnose this guy for you all, since we all like labels so much, I’ll give him a label that you can blame it all on, it’s pretty simple…this is it

EVIL

Saying Goodbye

Today is a bit of a personal blog, mainly because it is written just after the blogger has been to a funeral and after an amazing experience that touched the hearts of many, more than we expected but the questions as to how anyone really says goodbye to someone who is no longer amongst the living. That question has always played on me because Death is shrouded in mystery…mainly because no one has a 100% answer to what actually happens once you die and you only way anyone will ever find out is by actually passing away out of this life. Scary, right? Although it’s the one thing that 100% of Humans and everything have in common, one day we will all die.

Sounds sad but it is true, and once that happens…well like I’ve said, no one knows what happens once you draw that final breath and pass away. One thing that many focus on when it comes to final goodbyes is the ones said by loved ones but what about the ones that do die? Saying goodbye and all that..I can’t imagine what it must be like if you know your time is coming to an end but once again, it is only something we can truly experience when that time comes.

In graveyards and such, you can find stone statues of angels and cherubs and it’s like a message that of course you go to another life after death, up in the skies called Heaven or the other one that many do not really mention during a funeral for obvious reasons but we’ll say it here, Hell. We never mention Hell because no one wants to imagine that the person that has died could ever go there and I understand that, of course…no one wants to go to a funeral and be told that their loved one is in eternal torment and suffering! We remember the good times and how that person made us feel happy so when we do let go and say goodbye, it’s for all the good memories that we have and how we feel thankful that we knew that person and how they made an impact on our lives.

But how do you really say goodbye to someone? I mean goodbye is a strong word to use! For me, a real goodbye is when you feel like you might not ever see that person again, like you’ve come to a conclusion that you will not be seeing this person in this life anymore. For example, if you move to the other side of the planet from the person, it would be a good idea to say something like goodbye in case you never see them in person again! Sure we have Skype, Facebook and face time in this day and age but sometimes, a meeting in person is so much more personally and meaningful than seeing somebody through a screen.

The lack of being able to talk to someone anymore, not seeing their smiles or emotions anymore…nothing, all we have left are possessions and photos of the past and for some, it’s too much to bear. Sometimes, a headstone just isn’t enough but if it’s all you have it means everything…I’ve seen people talk to gravestones like they are people and there is nothing wrong with it if it helps! To feel like you can still communicate with your loved one is something that must never be given up.

For anyone that believes in the afterlife, can they really say goodbye as if it’s the last time they will ever meet or is it more like goodbye for now but we will meet again? Perhaps it’s how the word goodbye stands by you and what it means to you as an individual when you say it. Can’t speak for everyone with how they say goodbye to someone and if they mean it as a goodbye forever or a goodbye for now or maybe they use both, who knows but when it comes to a funeral and you see that coffin, you have that one chance to say your farewells, do you say goodbye for ever or goodbye for the time being?

Truth is, that you really don’t ever say goodbye to someone when they die, it’s never goodbye…it’s more like a see you later!

How To Cope With Loss

Death, the one thing that no one feels 100% comfortable discussing, I don’t care how you claim that it doesn’t bother you or scares you, deep down, it does and how can it not because no one knows what will happen once it is our turn to breath our final breathes in this world and depart to another plain or what ever happens afterwards!

I have always wondered about that time of live…the time your told that yours is about to end, you can only know the feeling once you are in that position, otherwise you can only guess how the person feels. Of course, others are affected as well, family members, friends etc

Someone that I know is sadly no longer for this world and I find myself in the position of a supporting role to someone who is very close to this individual and it can feel tricky because you want to do so much more than you actually can, especially when the situation hasn’t fully hit home yet! As in they have not yet accepted that this will really happen when the rest have and have prepared themselves for the worst.

You see, this person has had a habit of getting ill, a somewhat near to death experience countless times so the assumption that he would once again defy odds and pull through is not surprising, alas not this time, if he were a cat…he would have used his last life and now has to face the moment that all of us will one day face, when we have to die and leave this world once and for all!  I can understand why they think like that, I mean the man’s like a cat, he has so many lives and has survived all of this time yet it seems that now, time has caught up and is ready to pass by, a cruel mistress indeed is time but it will be here long after we are all in the ground.

A scary thought when your unsure as to what will actually happen next but we aren’t here to debate on the afterlife but how to comfort someone who is about to lose a loved one, what can you actually do to make them know that it will all be alright? Sounds tricky when someone’s life is slowly coming to an end and when the person you need to comfort hasn’t accepted it yet. You wait for the nail to fall and realization to hit home.

I feel scared sometimes that I won’t be able to be enough support for my partner, we are getting married this year and this news has sent my fiance into her shell, she just doesn’t feel herself at the moment and I understand, I just wish I could do so much more to make her feel ok again. I’m told I’m doing more than enough to support her but I want to do so much more to dry the tears away.

My partner has suffered aplenty so far in her life with the loss of both of her parents and being in a coma for a few years in her childhood, sounds like a Hollywood movie but it’s true and I don’t want her to feel all those bad feelings once again but I know it’s not preventable and I can’t do anything to stop it, I can just be there for her and always be there for her, a shoulder for her to cry on and a hug always!

Death is unavoidable sadly but we can always comfort those who are about to lose a loved one, let them know that it’s ok…you aren’t alone in this at all and their is always someone who will comfort you, make it all feel ok, even if it feels like it won’t and I know the feeling, I’ve lost people and have felt that things won’t be the same again but I know I’ll see them all again someday and I’ll have many stories to tell them and that comforts me.

Death isn’t a goodbye, it’s a see you soon!

Autism And Death

Bear with me, it might be quite the ramble but this was just a wonder, didn’t take it very seriously when I wrote this, not one bit but when you have a thought and write it down…doesn’t always make sense on the screen like it did in your head.

Now I know that the Title features the word ‘Death’ not a topic everyone feels comfortable talking about, of course! and that’s because I know many people who focus on their Autism like to talk about having it around the time being born, ‘Was I born Autistic?’ did they have it when they were born and all of that, I’ve read a few articles about it and then I had a thought….what about when your about to die? Birth and Death, two opposites but both necessary.

Death is that thing we see at the end of our lives, the clock strikes midnight…full time whistle is blown, all that jazz! not the best subject in the world because it’s a touchy one that affects everyone at points in our lives. A mysterious thing, Death as we can only imagine what happens to those that pass on… and it occurs…well it’s never set, it can happen at anytime of any day but I don’t recommend getting paranoid about that! But doesn’t the wondering of what happens next, make you think?

What I am saying is You have Autism when your born, when your living and when you die…what happens after you’ve died, I have no idea…one can only speculate but why does no one ever talk about the end of life? Is it too scary to think about, to upsetting? Probably and I can understand why! yet with my Autism, I have never really thought about Death…probably because I assume it’s a long long time away…I hope anyway

After all, Life has two doors at either ends, one where you enter and another where you exit but what is it about the exit door that has me asking more questions regarding my Autism than the entrance? I mean I know I was born with Autism, that much is a given but what about at the end of your life…I mean I know I will still have Autism on my deathbed…of course I will but you know how once you have in fact died….everyone speculates on what happens next, your life flashes before your eyes and you either ascend or descend…or in limbo…whatever you believe in…reincarnation as many and for some….nothing, once your dead…your dead! Game over….probably…so my Autism…I focus on it day in and day out, everyday…worrying all the time but one thing I have never worried about ever weirdly…is Death…strange considering it’s probably one of the scariest things that can,NO will happen to us all…unavoidable.

Yet it doesn’t scare me…I mean, why be afraid of something you know will happen, we know it will happen, just not when! I know I will always have Autism, just not how and why, out of curiosity of course…I mean I never enjoy not knowing the answer to something, drives me crazy! So my Autism doesn’t scare me because I know I can’t stop it….yet I can prevent it from disrupting my life which I have done over the years.

Thing is, Life goes on, after death…the World will still be here and everything will go on but one thing I have wondered for a long time is…my brain constantly thinks thoughts, some worries, and other things but I have always believed that no matter what…it will never stop…when i try to sleep or do anything when I’m awake but what about when I sleep but never wake up, sounds silly but I once thought I’d just keep thinking for all eternity…never stopping because my brain would never feel calm enough to do so. 500 years from now…still going!

But what I ponder over is….will I somehow receive answers to so many unknown questions, regarding my Autism…you know…like if you spend your whole life with unanswered questions to whatever has happened and you didn’t understand why…would we get the answers after Death but then again, maybe before we were all born, we had a flash of what our lives would be like but we have all forgotten….I mean I can’t remember most things from being 1 or 2!

• Why?

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean I want to know why I have Autism like it’s a bad thing or anything…I’m just curious…not knowing and I would accept whatever answer I was given yet still be happy with the life I had…Autism has made my life a challenge of course but not in a bad way because things worked out well in the end but even so, I’d like to know why…just for the sake of it and, If I ever were to get an answer like that…It would more than likely be after my death, whether it would be real or just a dream as my corpse ls inside a coffin, deep underground…I don’t know, the future can’t really be predicted, we just have to wait…might be why more people focus on thinking about the past, rather than the future.

Thing is, I will have Aspergers all of my life but the one moment where it won’t matter one little bit is when I breathe my last breath…because I’ll be too happy thinking about everything I did in my life, so much that I won’t worry anymore, I’ll feel at peace and happy, not worried, paranoid about anything anymore but why so morbid? What’s important is here and now…life is wonderful and no matter how bad things feel, it will always be worse for someone else…somewhere in the world!

I guess the point is, Death is a wonder, a mystery that no one really knows what happens yet we can always look to the past to what we have already done, whereas with the future…only one thing is 100% certain…maybe that’s why we don’t feel comfortable thinking about it…if you know it will happen…and it’s the one thing you can’t prevent…spooky but for me, it’s the not knowing which is scarier and we all know Death is coming so it’s not that bad in a sense,,,of course unless it comes out of the blue, then it’s terrifying…where am I going with this? I don’t fear it…Death, Autism…because I don’t need to, not knowing is frustrating but not enough to stop me from writing more chapters of my life.

Guess I just found it strange how, out of all my worries in this life…the one thing that I’m calmest about…is the end of it all…why be scared? I’ll have a great life, and I’m optimistic about it, or very positive about that! I’m not depressed or anything by saying that Death doesn’t ‘scare me’ it does and it doesn’t. it does because it brings to an end, a life…my life but at the same time, my brain can’t be scared by something that you know will one day happen, it just can’t.

Why I Won’t Be Doing Black Friday

It’s that time of the year again, where everyone goes crazy in America and even Britain for that one day of the year that I shall always dread….Black Friday. So many offers like 50% off electronic goods, games, clothes and so much more that people go crazy for, the one day of the year that we truly see Human Nature as people rush, push and fight for TV’S and other goods that they wouldn’t look twice the rest of the year.

I’ll admit, it’s good to purchase such items but I will never fight anyone for a 40 inch  bloody TV or a PS4 because I wouldn’t feel proud to have gone to such lengths really! Black Friday Chaos is real and will be happening in stores nationwide, people will fumble and tumble as they grapple over TV’S and other deals. This day brings the worst out of people and for what? A good deal? Is it worth your life? No but we do it anyway because we can’t let other people get those good deals, right?

It’s been reported that a billion pounds is likely to be spent by people in Britain for Black Friday this year? Lord knows how much will be spent in America! Below is a  Black Friday in Britain which isn’t as bad at the moment but it seems to be gaining momentum with ASDA refusing to take part, even though they brought it over to the British Isles!

I know it sounds like I’m nattering on about this but it’s important because all it takes to make people act like animals is a deal! so much off something and you can have someone want to rip your head off for a deal! 50 inch TV and your in for a Royal Rumble kind of thing to get out alive! WWE’S version of Black Friday, just imagine your Stone Cold and you’ll get it!

 

Black Friday in America which of course is more violent here but it’s catching up in Britain slowly as each year goes by although Online Shopping on this day is becoming more popular so who knows but this video talks about death?! Ok now that’s way over the line, your life is worth more than a bargain and that’s why I won’t take part in this at all and neither should you

Autism and Having Obsessions

I have an obsession, one of many but I’ll just focus on one of them because I could go on forever if I went into all of them. This blog is about obsessions as such because people with Autism can tend to enjoy things to their fullest extent, as in for example, I can enjoy the same things over and over again and not really ever get bored of them

Mystery Disappearances- Yeah, that’s right…people who disappear or are murdered and no one can quite explain how it happened is fascinating to me, I can read so many stories or watch documentaries on this stuff all day because, it’s fun to think up how it happened…I don’t know why but I just love this stuff…in fact I’ve already written a couple of blogs regarding a mysterious disappearance and a murder that can’t be explained Flannan Isles Mystery and the Hinterkaifeck Murders which both gave me sleepless nights and had me checking my attic whenever I heard a noise at night time because their is just no explaining either of them, how they came to be or how they can really even happen

Hinterkaifeck

Have you ever been awake in the middle of the night in bed, unable to sleep when you hear a strange noise, one that your not familiar with…it’s probably nothing to worry about really, nothing out of the ordinary, unless it’s not!

How do I even start off with this story, well it happened in Germany in the 1920’s and…just look at that picture, that creeps me out enough as it is, I mean this story happened on a remote farm in the middle of nowhere! an entire family is wiped out in the middle of the night mysteriously and to this day, no one knows who or why? Of course people have ideas of who it might of been but there is no real evidence as too much time has past and no things like DNA would be about to determine who was the attacker unlike today where we rely on things like DNA to track down killers.

Most of the family is murdered in the barn, led in one by one but come on…surely if you were 3rd or 4th, you’d have noticed that something was going on, I mean if you were eating dinner and people vanished off to the barn, you’d be hesitant, right? And how did this person even persuade them all to even come along with him, it had to be someone they knew…I mean if a stranger came along and asked you to come along with him to the barn at night, would you? No….it must have been someone they all knew, it just had to be.

The family’s maid and even the baby in the family were not spared, they were murdered as well. The maid had only been hired and had recently arrived on the farm herself, shame she didn’t see anything suspicious before hand

• Who murders an entire family like that and is never found?
• How was the murderer never found when many clues were about the house such as footsteps in the attic, a newspaper no one recognized or a missing set of keys?
• Also, their were workers who worked on the farm, surely someone would have seen a stranger wander onto the land and said something to the family….I mean their were footprints leading from the nearby woods but none leading beyond or back, that’s where you know someone is there…somewhere yet they never found anyone.
• All points lead to one thing, the murderer was more than likely, a family friend or someone they knew at least, I mean if this person snuck onto the farm and no one spotted anything, maybe that’s because they were among them the entire time. I mean the footsteps in the attic and no one there, the keys…all accessible to someone who knew the layout of the place and knew…where to hide!

The victims in this murder were Andreas Gruber (63) and his wife Cäzilia (72); their widowed daughter Viktoria Gabriel (35) and her two children, Cäzilia (7) and Josef (2); and the maid Maria Baumgartner (44). May they all rest in piece

Flannan Isles

Just one more piece, Flannan Isles Mystery- Read It Now this one is just as spooky in my opinion but in it’s own right…I mean this happened on the tiniest of islands of the coast of Scotland in 1900

Three Lighthouse keepers, James Ducat, Thomas Marshall and Donald MacArthur mysteriously vanished off this tiny little island in 1900 and to this day, no one really knows the fate of them…how do three men simply vanish from a tony little island? the most accepted theory is that they were all washed away into the sea, never to be seen again…HOWEVER! their are things that make this a little strange to have happened, such as

• The last diary entry in the log book was the 15th of December and it mentions

 Storm ended, sea calm, god is over all

What is strange about this is that no storms were about that time at all, not to mention that they were all inside a brand new lighthouse, so they should have been safe, right? And as well as this, one of the men was known as a tough guy on the mainland, yet it was written down in the log that he had been crying which makes no sense at all. One other thing was how did no one from the mainland not spot anything wrong with the lighthouse, at night it can be seen because of the light from the lighthouse but on the 15th of December at midnight, an American Steamboat noticed that it could not see the lighthouse light on which was strange…had something happened at that time?

It fascinates me as to what the fate might have been of these three men and I narrow it down to two possible outcomes

1. A Rogue Wave – All three men were outside at the time, even though one of the oilskins was found in the lighthouse so one of them was not wearing theirs…why? If nothing serious was going on then why go outside without it on when it is against the rules to do so?
2. Murder- If it wasn’t a wave an a freak accident that killed all three men then I will assume murder, accidental perhaps…say one of them accidentally knocked another over the rocks into the ocean and killed the other so he wouldn’t tell before killing himself out of guilt…who would know…they were all isolated and alone, and it could explain the strange writings in the logbook about a storm, an attempt at a cover up perhaps?

So if there was no storms in the area, why is it written down as such in the logbook? Had they all gone mad from the isolation, was there an accidental death that led to the death of all three? Was there a storm? All we can do is speculate but alas, we will likely never know the fate of the three lighthouse keepers.

To conclude, a strange occurrence is familiar with both stories, i.e they both happened in isolated areas…one one an island and the other one a farm in the middle of nowhere but I could look at these kind of tales, and think about how and why all day!

But try to not let a sudden noise at night affect you too much, it could just be…the wind.

More Soon

My Autism And Me

By Matthew Whitehouse

Everyone with Autism has something significant about that makes it different from another with Autism, such as hobbies, fears, what makes us tick etc some have High functioning and some have Mild Autism and one more thing, many view their Autism in different ways. Some hate it because they get bullied and don’t enjoy others not being able to understand what Autism is and others don’t mind it as much because it doesn’t affect life in any way really, they go about and function their daily lives like everyone else. I feel like I have loved and hated my Autism at certain stages of my life, rather hating it when I was younger but growing to accept it over the years, learning that nothing can’t be overcome, all hills can be climbed if your determined enough and if you don’t speak out, nothing will ever change.

My Autism has been with me for over 25 years now, although I’ve only known about it around 12 of those years now, the rest was just a guess at best but we all know that Autism doesn’t just develop after birth so 25 years it is…controlling my life way before I knew about it. For me, I didn’t grow around anyone like me, I was all alone in a environment where it would seem I was the odd one out, the piece of a puzzle that just didn’t fit! No one could figure me out, hell I couldn’t! As a child, it was alright but my family thought something else was wrong with me so Autism never came close to being discovered as they were looking elsewhere, as far as they were concerned…I was just a late developer who learnt everything a bit later after most kids did…that was all…it was more the Teenage years that I felt like a prisoner of ones own mind, like a sleeping giant awakening and seeing the world for the first time.

What can I say after all these years, 25 is a quarter of a life if you intend to make it to 100, a big slice of the pie is gone and looking on wards to 50…I can only wonder what challenges me and my Autism face, I mean it was tough enough with School, College and University but now I have a partner which I’m getting married to soon, growing older as the years go on and on and more than likely will become a Father in the next couple of years so that’s a lot of new things to do and learn from but the question is, will I get better with dealing with my Autism in areas such as meltdowns, taking everything so seriously and realizing that others rely on me every day, I shall have to wait and see but I’ve got to this stage and I have done well, so there is no reason why I still can’t do what I’ve always been doing.

However in this ever changing world that still is without hover boards and or even self fastening shoe laces, many look for a cure for Autism…personally, I’d say no to it because…I just can’t imagine my life without my Autism anymore, it’s impossible! Well after 25 years, I’m not surprised…well you could say I have gone without Autism on the bases that I was unaware about it for so many years, I had no idea such a thing existed and if I had never been diagnosed, chances are I would be like the majority of people in the world and not have a clue what the hell Autism is but over the years, I have learnt to adapt and now, it’s barely causes me any problems in the world…sometimes I have even forgotten I have Autism due to the minimal issues it now causes compared to what it once did cause.

I don’t understand facial expressions, jokes or tone of voice at all, I will always need a bit of help to fully understand it all but I wouldn’t change a thing about me because it would be like accepting that their is something wrong with me, my Autism is me! If you take it out, your taking a part of me out! Some might not understand this, why wouldn’t I want to be able to do what ‘normal people’ can do on a daily basis like get jokes, find it easier to make friends and such…answer is most of the time I can already do those things up to an extent, I have friends and I can get jokes sometimes, if a cure ever came about one day…like I said, I would refuse it and always would…I will never acknowledge such a thing because as far as I can tell, there is nothing to actually cure…loads of people struggle to make friends or get jokes and they might not have Autism…no one goes about looking for a cure for them…but when your labelled, a ‘cure’ must be found!

I am just fine the way I am, I have achieved so much more than anyone ever gave me credit for and that’s enough for me, I have proven I am just like everybody else in this world, I can work, make friends, have a laugh or two and create memories that I will take into my grave when my time is up, knowing that I have lived a good life, knowing that my family is secured long into the future for many generations afterwards…I just I’m remembered for being the fun loving, kind man that everyone always says that I am…I just hope I don’t embarrass my kids that much!  And yes, I’m that confident I’ll become a parent, a great one in fact…I can just feel it…I’m determined to always be there and support my family, create a friendly environment for them to grow up so they can start their own journeys in this world…that’s my next journey! I think I’m up for the task though, for sure I really am.

Asperwhat30?! Me and Religion- Do I Believe In It?

This one is strange to me because…Religion…well what can I say about it…it is one of the most important things we as humans have in this world, to which many of us dedicate our lives to. The majority of us believe in an afterlife, although what kind of afterlife can vary depending on what Religion you follow….plenty of them about! Fancy becoming a Jedi anyone?

Now the question I have asked myself for a long time is…where do I stand with Religion…I mean I have Autism and life hasn’t been easy…I don’t enjoy having to constantly worry about everything like socialising with other people and even reading facial expressions and emotions! I used to not want to believe in a God because of what I had…I felt like it was a punishment or even a cruel joke growing up but as time has gone on, I have come to an understanding…one that I have accepted….I am who I am and that’s all I need…no Religion required for me, I am happy and love life! I do not consider myself a religious man at all, nor do I think I’m an Atheist either…I believe something is out there…some mystical force watching over us all…I mean there is just too much beauty and wonder in this world to have just come to by itself…I also believe in Evolution as well…I mean that’s been proven!  As for the being out there somewhere…I’m just not sure what it is nor am I that interested either, I believe it’s out there somewhere, watching us…but I always just leave it at that, I never go any further….as far as I’m concerned, I’m in charge of my life and when death comes, what happens…happens as far as I’m concerned…but why don’t I believe that much?

Well why should I? Will my life just dramatically change if I become a Christian or a Buddhist overnight…I just don’t want to devote my life, the thing given to me when I was born to praying to something that I won’t meet until I pass on anyway…will I be guaranteed to go to a better place once my soul leaves this body that I have right now? I don’t see the point of doing that for the sake of it…I’ll study religions and listen to the stories but that’s all they are to me…just stories! However, these are just my views…you can follow whatever you want as that’s the freedom of choice that we all have…I just choose to make my own decisions….solve my own issues and accept death when it comes, hopefully after a fulfilling life where I leave behind my children and grandchildren on this Earth as an old man…if I do go to some other place and stand in front of the all-powerful being and it turns out there is a God all along…I’ll smile and accept it, no questions asked…I don’t not believe in a God…something is out there…I just won’t follow it…nor will I turn from it…I’ll treat it like I treat everyone else, I’ll be kind and introduce myself…like making a friend…

So why have I mentioned my Autism in all of this? Well I often wonder how I came to having it in the first place and to be honest with you…I did think it was because of a higher being…I mean perhaps one day, Autism will be explained such as how a human becomes to have it but it also makes me question whether I should become religious because I have mild Autism. Now when I say that, I feel happy and mad and I feel mad because…well Autism can be hard to live with…it makes life hard and you often wonder why, along with many other things in this world would a god let there be to exist but how can you appreciate the good without the bad? Would the good times we all experience not mean as much if we had never gone through a hardship?

I hope I haven’t offended anyone with this…it’s just how I feel…I don’t believe nor disbelieve…I think a being is out there but I won’t pray to it because my life is fine just the way it is, I have never gone so far to not believe I can’t solve something on my own or with the support of family and friends and I have met many great people in this life that follows a Religion and I’m ok with that…it’s great because I learn about them, I just don’t follow them….I’m a Human…put on this Earth to live my life and dealing with my Autism sure does feel like my trial sometimes but one I accept with a smile…life is about living…adventures and sharing those adventures with loved ones…not having regrets when you leave it…if I make it to an elderly age and am in my death-bed with no regrets then I’ll feel that I did a good job at this living that we all do…Autism or not! We all get a decision on what to believe in and whether I go up or down after life…it happens…whereas I listen to others beliefs, whether they are Christian, Buddhist, Muslim…Hindu, Atheist etc they aren’t my own, sorry but that’s how I’m keeping it, I don’t say that they are wrong nor do I say I’m right either…

I think what I’m trying to say is I’m not really bothered if a higher being is watching over us or not, I’ll take what life throws…don’t have much of a choice really…I mean I’ve learnt that with my Autism, I don’t have a choice, I’ll have meltdowns…I’ll mistake things for something else and I’ll upset people without meaning too but I’ll also make people smile and feel better, I’ll be a loving fiance and father and I’ll love life each and every day until it’s time to move on to whatever adventure happens after life…what can I say…I like the thought of not knowing what happens next…more exciting..if I were to have a religion…it’d be life….just living my life each day as best I can