Hello fellow WWE fans or people lost on the site and accidentally ended up here, welcome to Monday Night Raw and we are at the Wells Fargo Arena in Des Moines, Iowa as we kick off with the Authority in the ring. Oh yey, another promo to kick off a wrestling show, are you guys sure that this is a wrestling program???
A Seth Rollins chant starts up from the crowd but he just ignores this and insults the entire state (naughty boy) then we get the usual ”You sold out chants” Haven’t heard that on a weekly basis for the past year…move on people. Rollins says that Orton’s attack on him last week was nothing like his attack on the Shield, it was a betrayal of trust and that he would get revenge on Orton at Wrestlemania, accepting the Viper’s challenge
Big Show takes the mic and he gets Major heat, well he is a lot better as a heel then he ever was as a face but knowing WWE, he will be a face again in about a month or two.
I am a Giant- Big Show
Elementary my dear Big Show, care to tell us the bloody obvious some more because before you said that, I thought you were Hornswoggle in disguise!
Kane speaks next and not many people boo him but then again, most audiences go quiet when he ever comes out for a match, sad really for a future Hall of Famer. PUT THE MASK BACK ON KANE!
I’m considered to be the secret weapon of the authority!”- Jamie Noble
Was that meant to be funny, was I supposed t laugh at that? Also Joey Mercury has suddenly become a cry baby that enjoys hugging Giants!
Seth Rollins agrees to fight Randy Orton at Wrestlemania….on one condition, if Randy Orton will face him tonight in the main event. Orton comes out and accepts, even though he knows he is walking into a 5 on 1 situation later, it’s worth it to get to Seth he says so we now know our main event for the night.
We learn of a contract signing for the United States Championship between John Cena and Rusev, as well as an interview with the WWE World Heavyweight Champion Brock Lesnar later on, it is said to be controversial.
We cut to A.J Lee skipping in the back, ready to face Nikki Bella…because clearly you must be crazy if you skip everywhere you go…so why aren’t the Bella Twins skipping everywhere because clearly…they must be crazy if they think there the most dominant Divas on the roster…pieces of wood can’t be the best! they just can’t. I tried to watch this match, I really did but my loathing for the Bellas made it impossible to…hearing those voices, even if the lovely Paige is out there but it was interesting to see a Divas Match kick off Raw for a change but I wouldn’t kick off with the Bellas…they’ll have fans change the channel, not tune in to watch #GiveDivasAChance
Also did anyone else hear what Booker T said during this match
”Women just typically hate each other”- Booker T
Classic Booker T commentary there. Next we will be shown ”The Worlds Strongest Spear” segment from last week’s Smackdown…yey then we cut to Renee Young who interviews Kane and the Big Show who bicker like little school children before Seth belittles them for not focusing on protecting him. Kane and Big Show then say that although Stephanie McMahon can talk down to them, Rollins is not able to and they both say that they will not be out at ringside during Seth’s match.
Ryback vs…The Miz….yey that guy again who says that if Damien Mizdow does not help him win the Andre the Giant memorial battle royal, he’ll be fired.
We see Ryback annihilate The Miz after Mizdow refused to punch the Miz…as Mizdow helps Miz up, The Miz strikes and hits the Skull Crushing Finale on Mizdow, effective placing Mizdow in the same position as Adam Rose’s Bunny because we all know on Smackdown and next weeks Raw, Mizdow will still be by Miz’s side, the split won’t happen until Wrestlemania!
It’s contract signing time, I never get these things, we know the match is happening so why the need to sign a piece of paper in the ring for it. Before we see that…Sheamus promo
Anyway, we see that the contract table has both Russian and American flags on it…And we see Americans boo the American representing them…I think that the fans would prefer the Russian to overcome the American and be victorious but just imagine America, Rusev standing tall and this flag down below hoovering over your stadium, on your soil…because you can not go one match without booing John Cena…just think about that as you stare at his Russian Flag, used by the wrestler who’s not even Russian
Put America first and create a Patriotic Moment at Wrestlemania, even if it’s John Cena…I think it’ll be worth it, even if the U.S Championship goes with Cena and maybe loses credibility because…who’s Cena going to put over??
”I’ve signed many of these things but this contract is the most important one I’ve signed”- John Cena
Cena signs the contract, then out comes Rusev…without Lana but instead with some guy in a suit who JBL says isn’t even Russian and judging by his accent, I have to agree, it’s awful. ”Where is Lana?” and ”We want Lana!”’ chants break out. Rusev refuses to sign the contract as he reveals that it was not him that agreed to the Wrestlemania Match, rather it was Lana…loophole right there but does say that he will agree to a match if he is allowed to read a statement regarding America in full without being stopped, here it is in full.
”America lives and dies with it’s belief of second chances. John Cena, I defeated you at WW Fastlane (He missed the E) yet you continue and try at having another chance and that’s because your weak. Weakness is just one of the many problems with America. America worships failures, this countries parents are failures (Cena throws his hat off in a tantrum) Their children will grow to be failures (Cena throws off shirt, Micheal Cole leaves the ring) American people are stained in history, America is a cancer to the world! All say can I see, this stupid little land, how so proud thee you held, this stupid little country, a country that will die!”- Rusev
Rusev then signs the contract, flips the table over and runs away as his ”lawyer” falls out of the ring…which was funny. Cena holds up the contract but the Russian Flag comes down to end the segment, much to Cena’s disgust.
”God bless Russia”- Rusev
Next up, we have The New Day ”Oh great!” and it looks set to be a rematch between them and Cesaro and…wait…Spison Kidd! oh Lillian Garcia, it’s Tyson Kidd…another moment for her then. You could tell that she noticed her mistake as she paused after saying it. Then out come Los Matadores…showing just how far the Tag Team Division has really fallen since the Shield and Team Hell No all broke up and now that one of the Usos is injured…looks like we only have Kidd/Cesaro as the only decent Tag Team left…The Ascension need some work, either that or give Prime Time Players a push. Either that or risk this division will sink like the ever drowning Divas Division. Anyway, the Bull fighters attack New Day and we see El Torrito attack Cesaro…because you know…tiny guys in a bull costume is what we all want, right? I’m sure that inter species match on Smackdown will be a 5 star wonder! especially with Jerry Lawler on commentary!
Is it me or are the top three matches at Wrestlemania all been built up with promos…Reigns vs Lesnar, Sting vs HHH and Undertaker vs Bray Wyatt…disgusting if you ask me…I want actual build ups that make me feel like a story is being told, matches and moments that make you want to buy the PPV, not watch constant video packages! cheap if you ask me! Back to the show and Rollins alienates himself from the Mall Cops as well…why do I smell a set up…seems all too good to be true with all of his allies leaving his side, especially with another week of build up to come but maybe I’ll be wrong and Rollins will actually wrestle a match by HIMSELF!
I keep hearing the WWE saying that ”People don’t think that Roman Reigns can beat Brock Lesnar” and i respond by saying ‘No, people are saying that they don’t want to see Roman Reigns beat Brock Lesnar!” but hey, WWE will continue to portray Reigns as Superman who will be there cash cow for the foreseeable future because…who cares what simple fans think right? WWE Fans don’t have the balls to not turn up to a PPV or show, they talk a big deal online but when push comes to shove, we all still buy merchandise, purchase the Network and buy the games (even though WWE2K15 sucks!) And this is why we have guys like Roman Reigns set to be champion, because WWE knows that fans are all talk and no bite! they’ll still pour money into the company and the WWE will make whoever they damn please to be champion and we’ll all just have to shut up and like it, because what else will we watch, TNA? to watch rejects who couldn’t handle the big leagues??
Look, I don’t want Roman Reigns to be WWE Champion…but it’s going to happen. Brock Lesnar interview and he speaks about the enjoyment of hurting people and at Wrestlemania, he is going to destroy Roman Reigns and I could tell that WWE is pushing hard for fans to boo Lesnar and cheer Reigns, they even include a video of Lesnar ending the streak at last years Wrestlemania and that he’s taking the belt away from WWE if he stays or goes…will this tactic work, who knows? but then again, who cares, if Reigns pins Lesnar and you all say you’ll stop watching….I guarantee you’ll still be Network subscribers this time next year, saying the same thing!
Big Show vs Erik Rowan and Show pretty much destroys Erik Rowan and the match never gets underway, we even see a elbow drop from the second rope from Big Show which was interesting because 9.5/10, Show misses when he goes up but apart from that, this segment was shorter then the Divas match so for me, a pointless few minutes wasted and you damaged Rowan’s career a bit more with this.
Larry Zbyszko is to be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame, just thought I’d let you guys know that…seems like he was a decent wrestler to be honest…might have to look back and watch his career.
Now, in the ring we have various superstars, including Kane who tells Curtis Axel #AXELMANIA to forget about his movement and he goes on to say that he will win the Battle Royal at Wrestlemania (Yeah right) Then Mark Henry comes out and they both clear house until there’s only Kane and Mark Henry are left who battle it out until Henry picks Kane up and throws him on the apron but as Kane fights back, Axel comes out of nowhere and tries to throw them both out but only Kane falls, then Henry eliminates Axel and is the last man standing. (GET THE MASK BACK ON KANE!)
Paul Heyman time now (Thank goodness) he says that the WWE Championship Match rules at Wrestlemania were written by a pacifist, he sounds really angry tonight, furious in fact.
”Brock Lesnar isn’t coming to make love, Brock Lesnar is coming to make War!”- Paul Heyman
Out comes Reigns and his pop is…decent…a bit better then usual, I’ll admit but ti doesn’t scream future to me…I think the reception at Wrestlemania will tell us where Reigns will be regarding being accepted by the fans. Apart from the odd Daniel Bryan chants, I actually sort of enjoyed Reign’s promo…it wasn’t corny or irritating, it was full of passion and it was well spoken, his best one yet…I’ll say this, if he does that every week, I’ll slowly warm to him.
We then discover that next week, Brock Lesnar will be on the show, face to face with Roman Reigns.
”My toes are curling in anticipation” Paul Heyman
Back to the ring and it’s the 6 tag team match now, Dean Ambrose and Dolph Ziggler team up with a Turd (Daniel Bryan) against Stardust, Luke Harper and Bad News Barrett, then out comes R Truth…for commentary…again because why would he actually wrestle??? this week he has a new backpack (oh wait, it’s the Intercontinental Championship on his back) How much more degrading will you make the belt WWE! Micheal Cole and Booker T make a joke out of it all, like stealing is ok (great message there WWE) I hate this game of hot potato. Action spills all over the arena which was awesome, I hope the ladder match will be as memorable as the MITB Ladder matches were at previous Wrestlemanias. Ziggler kicks Bryan before getting hit by wasteland, then Ambrose hits Dirty Deeds for the win. Afterwards Harper attacks Ambrose and throws him over the announce table before demanding the belt of R Truth who now has it (why is he even in this match) Stardust steals it off Truth and tries to escape through the crowd but Ambrose catches up and the two brawl. Ambrose gets the belt and attempts to climb over the barricade but Stardust comes back and R Truth takes the belt, then throws it in the ring after being intercepted by Luke Harper. Daniel Bryan and Dolph Ziggler now have a tug of war over the championship before fighting it out, both taking out Stardust and Luke Harper in the process when out of the blue, Bad News Barrett destroys Ziggler and Bryan with his Bullhammer and then Dean Ambrose as well before finally taking back his Intercontinental Championship, hopefully putting an end to this stupid game. He even hits R Truth with a bull hammer for good measure!
”Who’s the bloody man!”- BNB
Triple H and Stephanie McMahon tell Seth Rollins to man up and take on Randy Orton as he made his bed, now he needed to lie in it. Rollins criticizes Stephanie’s decision to send Kane and Big Show home last week which looks to alienate Rollins from the rest of his allies but I still smell a trap…I hope I’m wrong…
And I’m not! after a short promo with Bray Wyatt where he pours out the chairs ashes from last week, he says he’ll put the Undertaker to rest and that he is the new face of fear! he will join the gods! Anyway, The Authority and Seth Rollins reveal that they were all friends all along and they tricked Orton…why did we spend the whole night watching Rollins do that then? seemed pointless to me, the same result would have come about if you didn’t do anything. Crowd chants for Sting and what do you know, the lights go out and Sting is in the ring (Thanks spoilers) and two men are able to take out five quite easily and end the show with Randy Orton and Sting side by side. Damn it, where was your secret weapon, when you needed it Jamie! oh and PUT THE MASK ON KANE!
”If I could speak for Sting, Sting-” Michael Cole cutting off Booker T mid sentence
Overall a decent Raw, it wasn’t awful but I still think the show could have been better…a lot better in the sense that
- The IC needs more respect
- R Truth should wrestle a match!
- Bray Wyatt needs to wrestle a match!
- Less Bellas, More Paige and A.J
- Let Erik Rowan wrestle a match fairly
- Less Miz, more Mizdow
- KANE NEEDS THE MASK ON
- Less Whiny Big Show
- It’s Tyson Kidd, Lilian!
- More Paul Heyman (make him GM or something)
Anyway, I give Raw a score of 6/10 (just above average)
Until next week
Keep it Real
The Matt Attack!
The Northern Light 